I Married a Sex God

By saying body worship, I am referring to when a partner who truly loves and/or lusts for their lover's body devotes time to exploring it, to really looking at it and examining it, and then touching it where ever they want to.  This can only be done by someone who really wants to worship.  

The partner being worshiped has to allow themselves to be worshiped.  And this isn't easy nor desireable for everyone, either.  To be properly worshiped, you mustn't feel insecure, self-conscious, or opposed to being worshipped.

Being totally open to being worshiped means you really want it and you don't hold yourself back for fear of looking arrogant or silly, or for any other reason.  (One big reason that stops a lot of people from allowing themselves to be worshipped is that they don't pass the Would You Do You? test).

Easy example: Stripping for your lover.  If you can imagine yourself enthusiastically stripping naked in a fully lit room for your lover and not feeling a bit self-conscious, then you probably know what I mean by being able to allow yourself to be worshiped.

If the idea of stripping makes you feel like "no, I wouldn't want to do that", then you know what I mean when I say it isn't for everyone.

It is just a preference, not a sexual necessity. Not being into worship doesn't say anything about your sexuality.  Neither does being into it.  Body worship is like a type of sex act.  Not everyone likes it, but those who do typically love it.  Highly sexual people tend to be into it.

I'm writing this post because I've learned that - generally speaking - men don't have their bodies worshiped the way women do.  There is a cultural idea that a woman's body is supposed to be worshiped by men, but a man's body isn't necessarily ever worshiped.  I'm trying to pull this subject out of its and look at it a bit.

We are only recently waking up from old, out-dated ideas about sex and sexuality.  For a long time, most of us were sold a picture of sex that was totally "men are this, women are that" and everything was restricted to only what was socially acceptable.  So we were "allowed" to understand that men wanted to worship women's bodies, and therefore, most of us have a basic understanding of what body worship of a woman includes.

We have only recently been "allowed" to understand that women may also want to worship a man's body in the same way.  And men are only now "allowed" to even ask to be worshiped by their lover.

I am of course, describing the hetero cis gender sex scene.  Many kinky and/or LBGT people are already into worshiping men's bodies, or just all bodies, inclusive.  That's why kinky bi-sexual me gets to write cool posts like this one!  I want to spread around the idea that worshiping a man's body is fun, natural and good for you.

Many highly sexual women know a lot about worshiping a man's body, but I had to learn it from my husband.

The world is trying to welcome male body worship, these days.  We see it more and more, but most of the evidence is simply seeing more shirtless hunks in the media and movies and memes.  Women are definitely hot for men's bodies, in general (world's biggest duh).  However, female strippers in clubs for hetero men, versus male strippers in clubs for hetero women?  Wouldn't the ratio be something like 1 man dancer to 1,000 women dancers?

It could be argued that the reason for the huge strip club disparity is evidence that men worship women but not the other way around.  To that I say, no way!  We are just now "allowing" the worship of the male body to be acceptable.  I am seeing a future where there will not be such a huge disparity (though there will always probably be some disparity, eventually I bet it will be small).

Men...we need your help, though.  You have to make a stand and ask for what you want.  Do you want your body worshiped?  Do you want to have your lover feel the intense passion for your body that you feel for (his or) her body?

If you want your body worshiped by your lover, open up and say so.  And women, if you love and lust for your man's body and want to worship it, ask him to allow you to.

When I met my husband, I had never really worshiped a man's body.  I may have felt love/lust for a lover's body, but the idea to worship it just never occurred to me.  I had worshiped a female lover's body though, and it felt incredible.  I had been worshiped by both men and women, and that feeling was great, too.  But because I had never done it, I didn't worship my husband's beautiful man body at first.

I was madly attracted to him physically and did lust and love his body.  But worship it?  I honestly didn't know how.  Thankfully, my husband understands worship very well, both giving and receiving, and was able to teach me.

Something I learned from him right away was that he expected to have his body worshiped.

Does that sound horrible and arrogant?

Because it wasn't.  It was totally hot.  He loves his own body, knows its worth physically and sexually, and he knows that many highly sexual hetero women get off on giving worship as well as receiving it.  In other words, he knows his body is worthy of worship.

He doesn't believe he is attractive to everyone, everywhere.  He knows that his appeal isn't universal, so he isn't saying that every hetero woman everywhere should worship his body.  But if he's narrowed down the field enough to have a lover, yes, he knows his body is worthy of that lover's worship.  (And as I have mentioned in many other posts, he worships my body in the manner of a Sex God, so he gives better than he gets.  Though I am working on my worship skills and may catch up to him one day).

My husband was able to instruct me fairly easily by saying "just watch and feel how I worship you, and do the same".  Of course!  That made sense.  Why didn't I realize it would be the same?  Clearly I had bought into the old message that men worship, women are worshiped, and not the other way around.  I actually didn't think a man would want to be worshiped, based on that old message.

How silly of me.  Of course they want their bodies to be worshiped, why wouldn't they?  It's freaking awesome to be worshiped!

So here are some of my musings on worshiping a man's body, numbered for you for no particular reason.  These thoughts don't have to be followed in rigid order, and not all of them have to be done to have a complete worship:

1.  The man must be able to allow it.

Guys, if you have never had your body worshiped by your lover and you suddenly give it a try, you might find that you don't know how to allow it!  You might find yourself feeling silly, self-conscious, or anxious.  To be worshiped, you do hold a certain power over your lover in the moment, but to let that power really shine you also have to be totally vulnerable.  It is a unique state to be in, being worshiped.  If you can't allow it, it will not happen properly.

2.  The lover must really want to worship the man's body.

Women and other lovers of men, if you honestly don't feel the desire within you to worship your man's body, it will not be possible.

But even if you don't feel the desire, you should try it out at least once anyway.  It is possible you simply don't feel the desire because you believed the "men worship women, not the other way" message.  At least be open to the idea that if your lover is a man, he may desire to have his body worshiped.  Ask him to make sure!  But if you really aren't into it, you just aren't and that's ok.  Worshiping another's body takes a lot of energy and it can't be done properly without a strong desire behind it.

On the other hand, if you know you do want to worship your man's body but never have before, talk to him about it!  Maybe he has been hoping all this time that you wanted to but never asked.

3.  An easy starting point: Stripping

An easy way for a man to get his body worshiped is by stripping for his lover.  This may not be the first choice for some men, but a lot of men find it fun to strip for a lover.  Outfits can be tricky, as there are not a lot of good sex clothes options for men.  (See my article The Sex Closet  for my suggestions).  Guys can check into some instructional classes or watch videos like this one to practice stripping for your lover:

For Guys: How To Perform A Striptease

This video isn't great, but it wasn't horrible either.  I wish there were more good examples that just come up quickly in a google search!  But hopefully that will keep changing over time.  (If you know of a better video of this sort, please let me know).

4.  He doesn't have to get naked to be worshiped.

Sometimes worship doesn't include nudity, it could be focused on or around body adornments, clothing, costumes, or jewelry.  Depending on the man and the lover, you should come up with some other ways that being worshiped would be fun.

Here's an easy example in my marriage: my husband wears casual clothes for his job usually, but on some days he wears a suit.  On those days, I want to worship him for a moment, because he looks so hot in his suit and tie, and because it is a visual treat for me.  So after we get ready for work in the morning, I might sit on the couch and say "baby, cat walk it for me!" and have him come strutting out in his suit like he's too sexy for his shirt, strut down a pretend runway, stop, pose, vogue, then walk away.  I might have to have a few encores of this, because the show is too short.  I will visually drink him in, make cat calls and sex gestures, and I will allow myself the pleasure of being turned on as if I'm at a Chippendale's show.

Or dig into the sex closet and pick out a special outfit for him to put on for you rather than strip off.  If you're kinky, get out  the clamps, tramp stamps, or whatever you're into...and put them on him while he models it all for you.  Mee-yow!

5.  He doesn't have to be seen to be worshiped.

Although the visual part of body worship is a very important one, it isn't actually even necessary.  You can worship a man's body with just your sense of feel, taste and smell.  Put a blind fold on the lover who wants to worship the man's body and let the lover have access to his body in whatever way they want.  This can also be done in the dark or just with eyes closed.  I have a blind friend who assures me that he is able to worship with his hands just as well as any other man can worship with his eyesight, and I believe him.  I can worship my husband by touch alone.

For any man who might feel a bit of anxiety at being worshiped naked in broad daylight, the lights out or blindfold exercise might be a good way to get past that anxiety and work through the vulnerable feelings that come up.

6.  Worshiping a man can be a part of foreplay.

The video I linked above (instructions for a guy to learn to strip) assumes that the strip show is going to lead to sex (at the end of the video, the guy and girl walk off into the bedroom hand in hand).  You can strip or use any type of body worship as foreplay.  It is a great way to get turned on, for both the worshiped and the worshiper.  When done with intent, body worship can be so sexual that it can make both lovers feel intoxicated.

6.a  Or worshiping a man can be done as a stand alone act.

Worshiping a man could be done just by itself, for its own lovely benefits to both the man and the lover, like in my example above when my husband wears a business suit.  Most men who want to be worshiped, would like to have it done both as part of a sexual event, and by itself.  Many men enjoy it on a less sexual level, too, so the worshiper could take out my cat calls in my example above and make more statements about the man's beauty.

7.  Men's bodies are beautiful.

I think the beauty of the male form should be more celebrated, period.  Women know (in general terms) that they are beautiful to men, but many men don't know how beautiful they are.  Also there is a feminine hint in the words beauty and beautiful, that makes it a problematic word when applying it to men.  Let's get over that nonsense, shall we?  Men are beautiful, their bodies, their skin, their hair, every part of them.  The more we are "allowed" to verbally and visually appreciate men, the better.  Extremely fit male bodies are seen in the media and in movies, but they are not the only example of male beauty.  I know many women who worship a man's body who doesn't look anything like the extremely fit bodies in movies and media.

8.  Men have sexy curves.

The outline silhouette of a man's curves is a delight to behold.  To worship it, have a man stand behind a sheet with a light so you can see his shadow clearly.  Or gently run your finger along his skin on his curves and admire them: down his back, along the top of his biceps, up and down his neck and chin, across his thighs.

I am a switch, so I like to grab my husband as if I'm on top once in awhile.  It is a great feeling, to handle him very sexually for the purpose of my own enjoyment through worshiping his body.  The point is, many men love their bodies being loved and adored the way they love a woman's body.  So explore and handle his curves with enjoyment.

9.  Men have boobs.  Grab them!

A really fun way to worship a man through touch is to act like he has boobs.  Grab handfuls of his pecs the way you would handle a woman's boob, and play with his nipples the same way.  There's really no reason for men to feel any less aroused by having their chest worshiped than a woman would.  Now...this one might be stretching it.  I am bisexual, after all.  So I already like boobs and know how to handle them.  But something I have realized since meeting my husband is that his chest is just as sensitive and open to sensual play as mine is.

I love putting my face on his chest and doing a pretend motor boat.  I love running my face slowly across his whole chest, breathing him in.  I love grabbing him aggressively, pretending he has a handful sized boob (he doesn't) and telling him he's driving me crazy with his luscious chest.  Basically the point is just paying his body as much attention as a hetero man usually would want to pay a woman's body.  Boobs are a big player in sex games, and a man's pecs should be, too.  (Love on those biceps, too!  Squeezing a nice bicep feels a lot like squeezing a woman's boob.  Woot!)

9.  Explore his cracks and crevices.

Get your man freshly showered, and then explore all the parts of his body that are within cracks and folds.  Put your face and your hands in there, if you are bold enough.  I've learned so much about male anatomy since learning to worship my husband's body!  I've also learned that there is no part of him that isn't beautiful and deserving of worship.

10.  Worship his penis.

Yes that's what I said, worship it.  If you want to and he wants it to be worshiped, do it!  It is so fun!  This can be done all by itself, it can be done in the form of giving a man oral sex, it can be done just verbally or just visually by handling it and looking at it.  Buy special sex gear and toys to dress it up all fancy.  Penis worship doesn't always have to be sexual, it could be just sensual or even erotically humorous.  There are many fun non-sexual things a penis can do if you have an imagination.

Worship the non-erect penis, and the testicles, too.  The skin is so soft and interesting.  To worship it, really look at it, get to know the whole area in all of it's states.  Beautiful!

I worship my husband's penis on a deeply lustful and sexual level, and I have many different ways of worshiping it.  However, it is just one part of his beautiful body that I worship every day.  (But I do worship it every day.  Hee.)

***********************************************************************

A couple of end notes...

There is a lot more instruction for how to worship a man's body in the gay world, obviously.  Gay dudes really know how to worship a dude, bro.  So if you are a non-gay man and would like more instruction and ideas on what it is like to give and/or receive male body worship, check out some gay movies, pics, or music videos.  See what it looks like and imagine what it feels like to have your body worshiped by watching several examples of it.  I don't mean porn, but you might find what I'm talking about in porn.

Body worship isn't necessarily about sex.  You can worship your lover's body during sex, but the way I'm writing about it today is about the act of worship itself, without sex.  In my marriage, body worship always intersects with sex somehow.  But even if we couldn't have sex, I would still worship his body in many of the same ways I do now.

Hopefully, you and your lover can worship each other soon!

If you don't know much about asexuality, start here: The Asexual Visibility & Education Network

In brief, asexuals don't experience sexual attraction.  They feel this is their normal sexual state of being and there is nothing physically or emotionally wrong with them. Asexual people are keenly aware that many people don't even know asexuality exists.  They know that if they say "I'm just not a sexual person", people will assume one or several of the following:

*they are in denial of their real sexual feelings

*they are lying about their real feelings or hiding them from something

*they are just modest and denying the truth in public, but would talk openly about their sexual feelings with a lover in private

*they are young and don't know their sexual selves yet

*they have some kind of sexual dysfunction so they avoid sex and have convinced themselves not to want it

*they have been sexually traumatized

*they are unsure of their orientation and this makes them deny being sexual

*they just haven't met the right person to make their body feel turned on yet

But asexual people insist that none of those issues are the reason they lack feelings of sexual attraction.  They are normal to themselves.  They feel they understand themselves but that others do not understand them.  Many people insist that people who identify as asexual have been broken or damaged somehow, even if they aren't aware of it.  Unfortunately, seeing asexual people as damaged is damaging to our overall understanding of sexuality.

The sex positive community and the pride community are advocates of asexual awareness.  I want to join the discussion too, because asexuality is one end of my Sexual Proclivity Scale and it is a vital part of the spectrum that my scale covers.

Being gray-sexual is described as being between between sexual and asexual.  (Please see my note at the end of this post for some additional thoughts about this).

I have definitely known more gray-sexual people than asexual people, and I think they are rather common actually.  Gray-sexual describes the area I call "not very sexual" on my scale.  I have known so many people like this and there is nothing wrong with them.  They are not ashamed of not being very sexual, but they typically do not broadcast it because they know others will assume one or more of the items from the bullet list above about them.  They get used to others not believing they are truly this way by nature.

Here's an article about gray-sexuality from The Frisky: What It Means To Be Gray-Sexual

(I apologize if there is a pop up ad when you open that link, you can't always tell what will happen when you post a link).

An important point I'd like to make: Of the gray-sexual people I have known, at least half were men.

Gray-sexual people say the same things as each other, and so do highly sexual people and moderately sexual people.  Here's a few examples of what I mean by this...

Commonly heard by highly sexual people:
I’m a very sexual person.