I Married a Sex God

Ok, I just recently became aware of the inter-galactic Sex God of all universes, Captain Jack Harkness.  I don't watch Dr. Who or Torchwood.  I only became aware of Capt. Jack when I read this post by Dr. Nerdlove:

Nerd Role Models: The Pick Up Artist

Speaking as the resident expert (of my own blog) on Sex Gods, I could not agree more heartily with that post.

For those who don't know, Captain Jack Harkness is a character on (the new) Dr. Who and on a spin-off show called Torchwood.  He is an omni-sexual and immortal Sex God...who has a vibe a lot like my husband's.

I hadn't found anything anywhere that came close to describing the Sex God qualities of my husband, until I found Dr. Nerdlove's post.  And when I found that post and became aware of Capt. Jack, that prompted me to go watch a bunch of youtube videos about the character.  And....that was um.....really fun.  Possibly so fun that it should violate our "no porn without permission" rules.

Behave!

I had to show my husband the videos I watched just to confess that I had been drooling over this guy who is as hot as he is.

He watched the same videos with me, (he'd never seen this character before, either) and was amused and flattered that I felt he vibes like Captain Jack.  (Then he threw me down on the bed and told me to "behave").

Now...my husband is really very hetero, and Capt. Jack is certainly not hetero.  So that is one difference between them.

But my husband had no problem watching the videos of Capt. Jack with me, where Jack was expressing many facets of his sexual orientation and curiosity (ie: Man on Man kisses...really passionate ones).  ESP's like hubby don't tend to be weirded out by the sexuality of others, even if they aren't into it.  My husband sees homo-erotica as neutral (neither sexually exciting nor repelling).

I - on the other hand - get kinda warm for gay play, which I talked about a little on this post: Get Bent

This video below is 5 minutes long, but in case you were interested, here is the best recap I could find of Capt. Jack and his Sex God ways.  There is an ad you can skip after 5 seconds:

Youtube: Captain Jack Harkness moments

(swoon!)

Another difference between Capt. Jack and my husband is that Capt. Jack is available for sex or relationships but my husband is in a strictly monogamous relationship with me.

I feel positive that Jack can and has been in monogamous relationships and has no problem choosing to be faithful when he wants to, though.

This is a Sex God skill that Jack would find easy to master.  (He lives forever anyway, so he's always gonna out live ya).

My husband definitely has that vibe like Jack does when he zooms in on someone with a "hello".  Only, since we are monogamous, he focuses all that sexual energy just on *me*...so he treats *me* like I'm a brand new hottie he just met, every time he sees me.  He zooms in on me with his form of a Capt. Jack "hello, and who are you?", usually sliding one arm behind my back at the same time, and I end up dazzled in his arms, looking at him the way all the girls (and guys, and other creatures) look at Capt. Jack.

I do not protest, either.

My husband doesn't try to develop new relationships with hotties every time he sees one...although when he was single...that was a different story.  I think he was pretty close to Capt. Jack when he was roaming the wild as a single guy.

But now?  He respects me and he keeps his sexuality locked down and all for me.  We both stay within our loving marital boundaries.  A Sex God has no problem with this.  But if you are the one and only lover of a Sex God, you better be able to handle the tsunami of sexual energy they can produce, coming right at you.

Thankfully, I am able to take on that tsunami!  I drink it for breakfast, actually.  And thankfully also, he's able to Feed My Frankenstein.


If you're an aspiring Sex God, I hope you go and read Dr. Nerdlove's post about Captain Jack Harkness linked above.  Also read everything else by Dr. Nerdlove that looks interesting to you.  His entire blog is so right on.

Becoming a great lover and/or Sex God is a process, and it includes so much more than just skill.

Dr. Nerdlove has a sort of map to help you.  It is not out of your reach.

He also offers specific help tailored to you if you send him a question.

Cheers, Doc!  And thank you so much for introducing me to..."Him".

I have been blessed/cursed with this crazy, out of control sex drive my whole life.

I've been working on keeping a lid on it like FOREVER and I still do not have it mastered.  I do keep improving, though.

If you don't know the Alice Cooper song Feed My Frankenstein (or even if you do!) I highly recommend you listen to it here now:

Youtube: Feed My Frankenstein

...and then continue reading this blog post.  (The video has an ad you can skip after 5 seconds.  Also, it shows the lyrics).

The song uses the analogy of Frankenstein to describe having a massive libido.  And if your libido feels like a Frankenstein, you'll know what this song - and this post - is about.  Here's the beginning of the lyrics:



Ha!  What a fun song, eh?  Alice you handsome devil, you.  This song isn't very sexy, but it is hugely sexual.

Even if you don't like raunchy, gritty rock and roll, I bet this song will turn you on if you listen to it.  You won't be able to stop yourself!

Through my own extensive research (ie: asking my friends nosy questions about their sex lives) I've come to understand that people experience their libido differently.

For some people, they know their sex drive or libido is activated when they feel the urge to have an orgasm.

For other people, their "sex drive kicking in" feels like the urge to merge and feel connected with their lover (ie: emotional intimacy).

For others, they are only aware of their sex drive when they feel an urge for sex in response to some outside factor or person (this is called responsive desire).

But for some people, their libido feels like an inescapable tidal wave of horniess (and mystery) that overtakes them every moment of every day.

(raises hand)

Yes, my libido is a Frankenstein.  And it really isn't that fun, sometimes.

Having a huge, demanding sex drive means you constantly have to manage these very intense physical feelings and emotions.  It sort of feels like starving all the time.  I don't mean to sound all drama queen about it, I'm just sharing how it feels to me to have an enormous sex drive.  After having great sex with my husband, I feel full and satisfied for about 12 hours.  Then I start wanting sex all over again.
As I said above, not all people have the same type of sex drive.

Even though my Sex God husband and I both have a very high sex drive, we experience it much differently.  My husband is far more sexual than I am, but I have a much higher drive for frequency and rough play.  My desired sexual frequency is higher than what is optimal for his sex drive.  But he desires more raw sexual behavior from me than what would come out of me organically.

We're both sexual beasts, but he leans toward the quality and the power of an experience, and I lean toward wanting to get my world rocked on the regular.  So we compromise: He gives more frequency and I open myself to deeper levels of raw sexuality with him.

He tends to run much more cool, and I tend to run hot.  Which is funny because physically I am always cold and he is always hot.

Being sexually hot all the time means I am a little bit anxious and can even be pushy with my husband about sex.  I can definitely be aggressive sexually.  I try to blame this on my Frankenstein, but my husband's cool attitude has made me understand that ultimately, I am responsible for controlling my own beast...and if I cannot, it means I need to develop more sexual maturity and self-awareness.  To be fair to him, I can't be sexually demanding.  (Plus, that just isn't cute).

I've been working on keeping the beast in check for my whole life.  You would think it would be easy by now!  Nope, still not easy.

At the same time, my enormous sex drive makes me feel alive and rushing with energy.  I love having a Frankenstein, even though it is somewhat of a hassle to manage it and keep it reined in.  I feel blessed to experience sex and my sex drive so intensely.  I feel there is a power that rushes through my biological system that literally drives me to feel sexual and to desire sex all the time.  Like a sort of psychic understanding between me and Mother Nature about how AWESOME sex is.

I've put my own human twist on the biological function of sex...I love my sex drive as an authentic part of my own personal, special-snowflake human experience...which means it is twisted up and kinky perfectly just for me.

My husband experiences his Frankenstein a lot differently.  First of all, it wouldn't be a Frankenstein, it would be more like a Crystal Blue Orb of Power.  Something he would hold very delicately, and then he would intensely focus on it, and it whirls and whips up into a sexual storm on his command.

When he doesn't wish to experience the storm, he simply puts the beautiful orb "away" somewhere inside of himself.  He doesn't struggle to keep the orb in its place, the way I struggle to keep my Frankenstein on a leash.

He is in control of that part of himself and he uses it, it doesn't use him.  His Orb "obeys" him, while my Frankenstein is a feisty monster that wants to escape all the time.

To make this clear...it isn't that I want to have sex with everyone, everywhere, all the time.  I am not horny for "just anyone" or "just any sex".  I actually am only horny for my husband.  My Frankenstein may be a whore, but she isn't indiscriminate.  The one thing I have been successfully able to train her to do is be faithful to the Sex God.

...if he would only move just a few steps closer...

He feeds her well, adores and pampers her, and she's more than willing to be perfectly monogamous for him.  She just tries to reach out of her cage and take him down once in awhile.

I would much prefer to be engineered more like he is.  He is so smooth and in control of his sexual urges and desires.  He can bring them out and bid them to rise up to the sky on a mere whim.  Or he can put them "away" and ask them to "stay away" until he bids them again.  He isn't bothered by sex, it doesn't push him around.

He is a Sex God, after all.  He knows he can always count on good sex to be there when ever he wants it.  He is totally capable of "letting it all go" and being swept away by lust, emotion, and sexual feelings.  But only when he wants to let himself be swept away.  He's got a lot of sexual power and he yields it very responsibly.  His beast doesn't run amok and rage all over town (thankfully, because I guarantee it would cause an angry pitchfork mob if it did).

From hearing the experience of others, I know there are endless types of sex drives besides the two I described for my husband and I.  And the libido or sex drive can vary for each individual throughout their life, depending on different factors and life changes.  Hormonal changes can also make your sex drive change quite drastically.  Where you are on the Sexual Proclivity Scale doesn't necessarily determine how you experience your sex drive.  Or rather, ESP's like my husband don't necessarily have a higher sex drive for sexual frequency than very sexual people like myself.

Dutch rudder, darling?

On a randomly related note...for me, masturbation doesn't settle the cries of my Frankenstein.  No, I wish I could manage the beast with self-pleasuring but in a cruel twist of sexual fate, masturbating actually makes me want sex MORE, not LESS.

I know some people can manage their beast with some good old fashioned self-love, but I'm not one of those people.  My whore-beast wants the full meal deal, not just an O delivered to me by me.  So I've had to find other ways to soothe the beast.


Besides having sex, I have found the following things do help keep my beast calm and keep me centered and grounded (when I'd really like to be spinning off the rails):

*Getting regular exercise, stretching, dancing, yoga, or doing literally anything that is good for your body helps relieve sexual frustration and boosts overall health and mood.

*Getting creative - which for me means writing!  I've found a really great non-sexual but sex-related creative outlet in writing this blog!  Journaling, painting, drawing or any creative outlet works very well to help keep your lid on.

*Doing sexual self-awareness exercises help me stay grounded, while at the same time feeding my Frankenstein a little bit.  For me these exercises might be as simple as doing Kegels, or as complex as planning a new theme and adventure for our next all weekend sex-a-thon.  Shopping for the Sex Closet or Preparedness supplies helps keep me in check as well.

*Reading and studying about sexuality is a great way to expand your knowledge and give your beast a snack.  There is so much more information about sex available now than ever before!

*Reading about intimacy (what it is, how to achieve it) is even better.

*Learning to meditate is helpful for a lot of things, and is especially helpful for calming all your loud, slutty thoughts down to a dull roar once in awhile.

*Get a massage, walk in nature, or find some other way to get your body's senses perked up and awake.

*Getting busy with random chores, housework, or paper work tends to keep my beast settled pretty well for short periods of time (it probably just bores the whore and she takes a nap).


Important Note: These things only work for me because I do also get regular, mind-blowing sex and daily affection.  If I weren't getting the sex and affection, then the things above would not keep my Frankenstein in check by themselves.

Here are some things that do NOT work for me and actually make my frustration even higher:  reading or viewing erotica, thinking or fantasizing about sex, or doing anything that stirs my sexual desire.

I'm not saying you  (or anyone) shouldn't do these things, I'm just saying that for myself, when I'm battling sexual frustration, I have to avoid these things because they just make it worse.  (Also we have strict rules in our marriage about porn and masturbation which I described on this post. Following our strict rules actually helps me manage my sex drive).

My normal mental state includes thinking about sex, sexual topics or something sexy, pretty much all the time.  And this is no doubt part of why my libido is so huge.  Something highly sexual people have in common is the tendency to be thinking about sex all the time.  So don't get my statement above wrong...I'm not saying I don't think about sex.  What I'm saying is that when I am feeling sexually frustrated and want to manage my Frankenstein, I have to actively stop myself from thinking of sex all day, every day.

Another thing it helps to be aware of is whether or not you are feeling authentically horny, or do you actually need some love or tenderness, or even just play?

Sometimes I think my beast has awoken, but when I examine myself a bit further, I find it was actually just my inner child wanting to sit on someone's lap (or jump on their head.  My inner child is a gymnast).  It is easy to confuse "horny" with "restless", and it is smart to address each of those separately and with awareness.

I envy my husband his ability to be in control of his enormous sex drive and not controlled by it, like I seem to be.  I keep working toward the goal of being more like he is in his attitude and behavior.  One thing he has made clear to me is that my huge sex drive isn't his "fault" or responsibility, and he can't be expected to manage it for me.  If I feel sexually frustrated, I can't take it out on him or act like he "owes" me sex.  This isn't fair to him, and it also isn't sexy.  It makes me look immature and needy.

But instead, when I have my monster sized libido under my own control and I can yield it like a fierce beast when the timing is right and it is appropriate...then I look and behave like a Sex Goddess to match his Sex God.  Sometimes I get it right.

This is a work in progress for me, but it has been a great ride.  I know not everyone has my type of sex drive, and if you don't, it doesn't mean anything good or bad about your sexuality.

In fact, I'd say the more sexually mature you are about your sexual frustration, the closer to being a Sex God you are.  I'm workin' on it every day!

There's an actual test!

I was doing some research for my Sex-dar calibration posts and decided to see if anyone has already studied Sex-dar. I thought maybe someone had documented the tiny body language signals, the intuition and the subtle cues which - put together - are what I'm calling Sex-dar.

I ended up finding this book: Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating and Love

The book is awful.  I won't even bother actually giving it a review here.  BUT...it did point me to the SLUT TEST and for that reason alone it was worth reading it!

I'll boil the whole book down for you: You see, biologically speaking, sex happens to make babies and the continuation of your own genes via making babies is the only reason your body wants to have sex.  So the person with the most Mating Intelligence is the one who has the most partnered hetero sex, because that gave him or her the most chances at having babies.  They consider this as having the most Mating Intelligence because the mater had to use their minds to employ complex strategies to beat out all competitors and simultaneously seduce the most sex partners.

It is a little different for men and women, though.  For men, the MOST sex partners equals the HIGHEST Mating Intelligence.

For women, it isn't the MOST sex partners, but it can still be a lot of sex partners.  Her number is only smaller because for her to be the most successful at baby making (remember? it's the only reason to have sex) means that her choices in partners would be of the healthiest and "best" gene pool of all males.  So the guys are the biggest sluts and the women are simply gold diggers.

In case you were interested in knowing how high or low your Mating Intelligence is, the authors have compiled a test for you to take.  And according to this test, the award for winner of human evolution is...you guessed it...

Sluts Win Mating Intelligence Contest!

No joke!  There is now a way to test your sluttiness.  And my husband and I both scored very high on this test.  But that's just because we  are  technically sluts.

Here's the link to the same test that was in the book:  The Mating Intelligence Test

It was published on Psychology Today.  The link takes you right to the test, and the scoring instructions are at the bottom.

(Spoiler Alert!)

I'm going to copy the questions below along with the "correct" (ie: sluttiest) answers.  So if you want to take this test without knowing the "correct" answers, open the link above and take it now.  It is easy, only takes a couple of minutes total.  You'll need some way to jot down your answers to 24 true or false questions.

Ready?  Tested?  Ok.

First I wanted to point out that there is a different test for men and women.  But they are fairly similar.  This test is used to ascertain the following:

*your sexual confidence
*your ability to flirt
*your ability to accurately identify when people are flirting with you
*your promiscuity
*your "worth" (for guys worth = wealth, for gals worth = beauty)
*your ability to successfully lie and cheat

The World of Screwing Just to Make Babies: Apparently filled with sluts.

This is Mating Intelligence?  I mean, ok I get where they are going with it, and *IF* primal biological instincts are actually what is behind all of our sexual decisions, then yeah, I guess the sluttiest would be the most "successful" at mating since "success" would equal the highest number of healthy babies.

But really?  They (the authors of this book) think that primal instincts are the only thing that is behind our desires to have sex?  That's just bizarre to me.  I actually believe there are emotional and spiritual reasons behind everything we do, especially the sexual decisions we make.  I believe that we all know damn good and well that we don't plan to make babies every time we have sex and that our conscious motivations of intimacy, closeness, pleasure and love are the main reasons we choose to have sex. In fact, I'd bet that we evolved deliberately as a species to get to a point where we can have sex without making babies just so that we can take sex to a higher evolutionary level.

Meh, but that's just me going off, and I have no science to back it up.  Those are my intuitive feelings about our true motivations for sex...there's no evidence for it, it is just my opinion.  (I am married to a Sex God though, so take that into account.  My theories about sex are truly heavenly).

Now...back to my rant about this hysterical test.

Here are all questions with the "correct" answers marked for you,

Confidence is sexy, but it isn't the ONLY thing that is sexy.  There are many people who wouldn't qualify as greatly confident who ARE highly sexual and sexy.  This test is bullshit!  But let's keep going because this is way fun.


Take this question for example: My current beau spends a lot of money on material items for me (such as jewelry).  Correct answer = True

The implication is that you have to be a really HOT woman to attract "wealthy, successful men" and to get these men to buy you jewelry.  And the rest of the slimy questions are pretty obvious, right?  The ones that indicate that men need wealth to be Intelligent Maters and women need beauty.  And the man trades his wealth for her beauty.  (groan...)

Note to these test makers...you don't have to have wealth OR beauty to have great sex.

Did you catch that?  Listen again: wealth and beauty are NOT required for great sex.  You could make everyone on earth blind and make everyone poor, and the highly sexual people, the ESP's and the Unicorns would still find each other and have some rockin' good sex.

Yeah I know, there's no way to test that...I just know it intuitively.  But isn't that just sort of common sense, too?  Forget babies!

We consciously driven humans get pleasure, intimacy and love from sex, none of which are dependent on beauty or wealth.

The artistic question was on both the mens and womens test.  And in the book they had reported that artistic people had a higher sex partner count than other people.  So while it isn't a direct hit to the slut meter, the "correct" answer (that yes, you are artistic) indicates you have a higher sluttiness potential than non-artistic people.

It is surprising how many kinds of statistics I can see on this free program, blogger.  If you clicked on my blog because it came up in a search you did for some key words, I will be able see what those key words were.

Isn't that amazing?

The stat programs that come with even the easiest, free blog give so much amazing detailed information to the blogger.

I cannot see "who" any specific individual is who looks at my blog, I can only see the URL of the site they entered from and the search words they used, if any.

What? Was I reading a sex blog? No! I swear it! No!

But I never see who YOU are, so don't get paranoid.

I see no names, email addresses, IP addresses, or anything like that.  I just see the search words if there were any, the reader's country, and the website the reader entered my blog from.

At this time, I remain anonymous to most people who read here.  Rest assured, you are anonymous, too.

Still, it is quite fascinating to see these statistics.  Now that I'm getting more and more hits I can see patterns emerge in the stats, and in the search words some people find me with.

When my blog was very new, I didn't have very many people finding me from key word searches at all.  My blog was so far down on any word search list that they just never could have clicked it.

Lately I am inching up enough in overall page views that I *do* come up fairly high in some key word searches.  So now  people are actually finding my blog from their key word searches, which means I can see what those key words were.

And that...has been interesting.

I'm deliberately keeping this blog free of porn and explicit sexual words or descriptions.  I'm trying to educate and entertain, but not titillate.

I like to discuss extremely sexual subjects and kinky stuff...but I'm not here to turn you on or to be turned on.

There are so many other places readers and viewers can go to see porn, to be turned on, to learn things, or to do all three at once.

This is my adorable avatar. She doesn't use the F word, bitches.

I'm offering something a little different.  I have no problem with porn or being turned on, it just isn't what my cute little sex blog is about.  I have found it is difficult to find good information about sexuality and kink that does not include porn or titillation in it.

Some people want to be able to learn without being aroused.  That's why I'm here.

So, given my philosophy....I avoid using words like f*ck or c*ck or p*ssy.  And because of this, key word searches for those words don't usually find my blog. Every once in awhile they will though, if they used one of those words in a string with some other words that ARE in my blog.

As an example, someone searched for "naughty bad girl boy f*ck sex" and found my blog.  I am sure they were disappointed in what they found here when they started reading!  These are the posts they found with those key word searches:

The Bad Boys and Girls Club of America 
Good Bad Times

So the key words naughty, bad, girl, boy and sex were all in there somewhere in the titles or in the body of those two posts.  The F word wasn't in there anywhere, though.

I can imagine I would get a lot more more hits to my blog if I did use the F word, the C word and the P word.  But the thing is, I don't want disappointed readers.  People making those searches would be looking for something that isn't here.  I actually feel like my strategy is working!  I'm getting readers who do want to read what I have to say, and avoiding readers who don't.

Super Sorry, But There's No "How To" List

As you might assume, I do get people finding my blog by searching for the key words "sex god", "how to be a sex god", and "i want to be a sex god".  I hope I can at least entertain these readers a bit once they get here.  They may not have learned how to be a Sex God by reading my blog, but they did get to read my very strong feelings of love and lust for my Sex God husband.  Just hearing that Sex Gods exist and that there is someone willing to say out loud that she is married to one should be helpful information for aspiring Sex Gods!  After all, you must be a true believer before you can be one.

Hopefully, any reader who came here to learn to be a Sex God gets the real message I want to promote, which is: It is about intimacy, emotion and sexual vibrancy as much as it is about skill.

It takes more than a talented tongue.

There's no Cosmo "list of 10 sex moves" that will get you from here to Sex God.  It is a lot more involved than learning some tongue tricks.

No one can become a Sex God in a vacuum.  It requires partner participation, dedication, time, intimacy, self-awareness, trust and openness.  It is not an easy thing to just "learn" and I'm sorry but, no blog or other written information will get you there over night.

However...if you found my blog because it is your hope to become a Sex God, stick around!  I do have a lot to say on the matter due to my personal experience with one (and being one), and I bet that something I say at some point will help you in your journey.

It really is a journey of understanding, and understanding doesn't come quickly...but it does come eventually if it is your focus and you are driven toward an outcome, you'll get there.

Sex God status isn't impossible and it isn't out of your reach.  But it isn't easy, either.  Are you willing to work toward it, or did you just want to wake up one day and have some men or women fall at your feet with roses to worship you?  Make sure you know what your real goal is so you have more hope of achieving it.  I can tell you this much...the more adept you are at intimacy, the closer you are to becoming a Sex God.  If you aren't even sure what I mean by that, figure that part out first.

Perhaps it would help aspiring Sex Gods for me to note, I actually know many people who fall in the Sex God category.  They won't be the people you would just pick out of a line up and guess that they are in that category.  But there are many more of them than you probably suppose.

Happy Porn

The search that keeps coming up which inspired this post is "happy porn".  Or sometimes "happyporn" or "happy porn usa".  This search is usually done from India, but people from a couple of other countries also occasionally find me with those search words.

These searches find this post:

Happy, Healthy Porn and Masturbation

Now, I can only guess what the readers were hoping to find.  (And readers who might find me that way, I don't mean to talk about you like you aren't here, so hello, and welcome!)

All I know is that I am pretty sure they didn't find what they wanted in my post above.  That post is about the strict rules about porn and masturbation my husband and I follow in our marriage.  We use self-discipline to focus all of our sexual energy toward each other, and one part of practicing self-discipline is by not looking at porn without each other.  (We do enjoy porn together, though!)

What is a little flattering though is these readers do seem to hunt around my blog a bit more, even though they didn't find any porn in that post.  They usually end up reading a few more posts of mine, which I'm guessing means they found what I had written interesting (or maybe they were just hoping one of my other posts had happy porn in it).

Other Key Word Searches

A couple of my posts get a lot of hits because of the specific title of it.  For instance, people who make searches like "cankles", and "hates cankles" and "cankles babes", will find this post of mine:

He Even Loves My Cankles

And a surprising number of people search the words "body worship" or "how to worship my husbands body" or something similar.  Those searches find this post:

Body Worship

The word "porny" gets searched and I get hits from that sometimes.  I just used that word to be silly here and there on my blog.  I wonder what the reader was looking for?  Not straight up porn, but something "kinda porn-ish"?  Or maybe they just mis-typed "pony".

Other notable searches that brought up my blog:

"ming the sexy lusty sex god"      
"always been a boobs man"
"married sex blog"                    
"the power of sex worship"

(some of the more advanced sexual signals)

This is a continuation from my last post Calibrating Your Sex-Dar, part 1

In part 1, I talked about the process of signaling, and I lined out a couple of exercises you can do to begin calibrating your Sex-dar.  They were:

Step One: Start calibrating your Sex-dar by being aware of your own signaling and your own signature.

Step Two: Look for others signaling in the Sexual Jungle, but assume their signaling has nothing to do with you.

If you have done these two steps for awhile now you should be able to feel yourself sending your own signal, no matter what your signal is.

You should also now be noticing signals other people are sending.  You can even practice step two on people in reality film and on reality TV.

You may never know if you are correct in "seeing" someone's signal, but as you keep practicing these exercises you might get some validation of your assessment here and there.

A good example is when you see someone you think is signaling available and then you see that person flirt with or talk to someone as if they are interested in them sexually or romantically.

Another example would be seeing someone you think is signaling unavailable and then seeing evidence later that this person is in an exclusive relationship.  Like, you're in a restaurant, a guy walks in, there are many good looking women in the room but he doesn't notice them, he asks for a seat, the waiter takes him to his seat, the guy sits down.  Then he looks around the room but only casually, not scanning the faces of people too long, just glancing around.  He looks at the door, then his menu.  A moment later, his wife walks in and joins him at the table.  If you correctly "saw" this guy's signal as unavailable the moment before the wife walked in the door, you used your Sex-dar well!

When you feel good at both step one and two, move on to...

Step Three

Begin looking for references and clues that help you notice ESP's (extremely sexual people) or evidence of people actually being sexual in public.

ESP's are usually the easiest people to spot in the Sexual Jungle.  Remember, this is an exercise in overall awareness.  You might be wrong when you see someone you think is an ESP, so never assume you are right.  Also, never stare at anyone.

All you need is a glance to notice any relevant clues.  These exercises are not meant to be used to meet people or talk to them.  You should be looking for subtle but overt signals, the kind you can notice without trying too hard.

The way people signal can be different depending on the setting, like signaling in a bar full of singles may be much more obvious than a bar full of people of all ages, available and unavailable.  But once you start deliberately trying to see people signaling, you will see that some people are signaling to each other very "loudly" if you pay attention.  The louder signaling people are sometimes ESP's.  Not always, but if you notice a loud signal, keep watching to see what other clues you might get.

People don't just signal though, some people are actually having sex out there in the Jungle!  While you are looking for clues of ESP's, also look for actual sexual shenanigans going on, because if you happen to see this, the people involved are almost always ESP's.


Things you might begin to notice at first:

*A "knowing" look passed between two strangers.

*A man or woman who is looking around a crowded room as if they expect someone they know to be there.

*People being sexual in a place where they don't think anyone can see them, like a parking lot.  (I personally have seen several cars bumping up and down in corners of parking lots, it is a common place for people to do it in public).

*A man or woman who has a look on their face that seems like a "sex afterglow" look.  Some ESP's kind of always have this look on their face, not just after sex.

*Sexual Wolves.  They are usually pretty easy to spot.  They are not predators, but they are definitely available for sex either right now or like, yesterday.

Now here's the caveat...there are many things people might do that seem like sexual signals and ESP clues, but aren't.  It is easy to be too aware, and end up seeing behaviors in people that are sexual in nature but are not the type of clues I'm talking about.  So to help you look past those I've written a list....

Things that seem like ESP clues but are not:

It isn't always the obvious one.

*Men or women who are flaunting their bodies in some way.  This is not a reliable sign of someone being highly sexual.  Don't confuse "costuming" for sexuality.

*Men or women who are staring uncomfortably at one ore more persons specifically.  If someone is just outright staring at people, they probably aren't an ESP.  ESP's are usually much more savvy and they know that staring is rude and weirds people out.

*Extroverted people. If you start doing the Sex-dar exercises, you will inevitably start noticing extroverted people.  Just remember that being extroverted has no correlation to being an ESP.  Introverted people are just as likely to be ESP's as extroverts.

*Anything that seems creepy or predatory, is just that, creepy or predatory.  These people are not ESP's but you will be more likely to notice predatory behavior while you are looking for sexual signaling and ESP's.  Watch for these people and behaviors, but realize they are in a separate category that doesn't apply to these exercises.

*Someone checking out someone's ass after they walk by, or someone looking down a woman's shirt, or anything like that.  These things happen all the time, but they don't indicate how sexual the person looking is.  People sometimes just check someone out and it doesn't mean anything at all, it sometimes is just a reaction and not a deliberate action.  It does not indicate the person looking is an ESP, though it doesn't rule it out either.  Just realize that when someone cops a look, it doesn't mean much about their sexual proclivity.

If you spend a few weeks or a month trying to identify ESP's, I'm sure you will start noticing more and more highly sexual people around you.  You might notice them noticing you, too.

You will know when this happens.  It may be awkward for you.  I don't recommend that you engage in eye contact with people while doing these exercises!

Signaling and reading signals is done differently when you're actually trying to meet people.  I will write future articles about using Sex-dar when dating and mating.

I will also talk more about fine tuning, reading "softer" signals, reading individual signals, and ambiguous signals.  Using your Sex-dar can become a fine art.  It provides a fascinating look at the world.  When you are using it just to be more aware of the Vast Sexual World, you actually improve your own sexual signaling and increase your overall self-awareness.

Remember, ESP's are already doing this, as they typically have well tuned Sex-dar skills.  People are sexual beings and they don't hide it from you, either.  They literally proudly display it, if you are paying attention.  If you don't want to tune in to it, you don't have to.  But it is there, all the time.  The Vast Sexual World is filled with sexual people.

But What If I Don't Want To Know?

For some people, there is really no reason or benefit to using Sex-dar.  If the subject holds no interest for you, then you won't get anything valuable out of doing these exercises.  Sex-dar is something many people go their whole lives without bothering to tune in better.

Or perhaps you already use it adeptly and need no tuning exercises. These exercises should only be done in a light-hearted way out of pure curiosity.  If you aren't curious, there's no reason to do these exercises.

I've mentioned Sex-dar in several posts now, like this one Extremely Sexual People, part 2

and this one Vastness Awareness.

I'm going to expand on the concept and help you learn to tune yours in a little better.  I came up with this word to describe the ability people have to "see" how sexual another person is.

I'm a very sexual person and I've always noticed other highly sexual people in the wild.  We are everywhere.  ESP's and other highly sexual people use a kind of intuitive ability to "see" and find each other.  I decided to call this ability Sex-dar.  It is an internal radar that is tuned into the sexual vibe of the person or people around you.

Sex-dar works because of the process of signaling.

Most people are signaling some type of sexual message, whether consciously or not.  People who are higher on the sexual proclivity scale tend to emit louder and sharper signals than others, and they are usually aware they are sending them.

In this post, I'm going to talk about the overall topic of signaling and tuning in to the signals people are sending.  This is not about trying to interpret the signals a person is sending to you personally.
This post is about tuning your Sex-dar in general and just realizing that people are sending signals all the time.  Assume their signals have nothing to do with you for the purposes of these exercises.

I'm discussing how Sex-dar works because it can be useful for anyone who is curious about sexuality in general.  Self-aware, highly sexual people only want to have sex with people who give their enthusiastic consent, so even though they may "see" someone signaling it means nothing at all until attraction, willingness, desire and consent have been established.  Signaling is not a declaration of willingness to be sexual in the moment.

Tuning your Sex-dar can help you because it automatically teaches you how to harness and use your own signaling to its fullest potential.  If you're a Unicorn in training, this is especially important.


Signaling in the Sexual Jungle

Everyone sends a signal of either available, unavailable, or maybe available. These signals create a buzz in the air that is detectable if you have your Sex-dar tuned in well.  The buzz is so loud that anyone can improve their Sex-dar or develop some from scratch with a little effort.  It is just a matter of focus and practice.  Some people send louder and brighter signals than others, and ESP's are usually the easiest to detect.

Available signals are usually very clear

Signaling Available means "available to be sexual with others".  This does not mean available to be sexual with anyone in particular at this time.  Just because you're available doesn't mean you are willing, able, or open to being sexual right now.

It usually just means the person signaling available is not currently in an exclusive monogamous relationship.

The most obvious sign of someone signaling availability is when they are looking around a room or crowded area as if they are looking for someone they know.

Unavailable signals are also usually very clear

Signaling Unavailable means not available to be sexual with others.  There are so many reasons a person may not be available that it will be impossible to know what an individual person's reason is in these exercises.

A person may be unavailable because they are celibate by choice.  Or because they are in a committed relationship.  Or because they are in a time of crisis in their lives.  Or because they are asexual.  Don't try to guess a person's reason, just try to accurately "see" their signal.

Unavailable is usually an easy signal to read.  Someone who is signaling unavailable will usually be avoiding eye contact with others.

Maybe Available signals are usually ambiguous

Signaling Maybe Available usually means there is a possibility of being available to be sexual with others but there is no expectation of it nor strong desire for it.  Available and unavailable signals are obvious, but signaling maybe available is very ambiguous.

It means a person is not sure about the surroundings they are in, or they are not sure about how available they really are.
People usually send ambiguous signals when they are just out of a relationship and aren't quite ready for another one yet.

If you find someone is neither looking around for attractive strangers nor avoiding eye contact, they might be signaling maybe available.  Ambiguous signaling is almost always a maybe available signal.

Signal Signatures and Romantic Signaling 

There is another way people signal each other that has to do with their availability for romance and relationships.

Those signals are different than sexual availability signals and can be sent totally independently, but they can also be combined with your sexual signaling.  For instance, someone who is available to be sexual with others and is also available to be in a relationship would be sending a double available signal.

I will write future posts about signals of romantic availability and how they overlap and create double available signals.


It was too much to cover in this first post about tuning your Sex-dar but I had to throw the idea out there for now to make it clear that romantic signaling exists but is different than sexual signaling.

Everyone's signal is a type of signature (maybe the kind dolphins have!)  So each person's signal will "ping" your Sex-dar a little bit differently than everyone else's.  This is something you'll become aware of if you get your Sex-dar really tuned in.


To Begin Your Sex-dar Tuning

Step One

Start calibrating your Sex-dar by being aware of your own signaling and your own signature.

No matter what your situation, orientation or level of sexual proclivity, you are sending sexual signals out into the wild.  Usually your signal will follow whatever the truth is for you at this time in your life. If you are available to be sexual with others, you are signaling available.  You will be signaling it louder if you are highly sexual, and softer if you are not as sexual.  (Neither louder or softer is "better").

Or if you are not available to be sexual with others but you are sexual with your spouse or partner, then you will be signaling unavailable to the world, and available to your partner.

It is usually pretty easy to spot two people who are committed and monogamous and are only sexually available to each other.  They will seem like they are in their own world.

If you are not in a relationship and are open to being in one but you aren't so sure about your sexual availability, you may be signaling available to romance but only signaling maybe available to being sexual.  This isn't a problem.  There are many different ways you may be signaling, or you might be giving ambiguous signals.

Ask yourself what your sexual truth is right now:  Whatever your answer was, that is what you are signaling in the wild.  How clear your signal is depends on how clear you are about where you are on your life path at the moment.

Now...observe yourself as you go out into the wild and try to "see" the signal you are sending for what it really is.

Try to imagine yourself as someone else would see you.  Do you think they would be able to ascertain if you are single or in a committed relationship just by your eyes and your body language?

Once you really have your own signal understood and you can see how you are sending it to others, go on to step two.

Step Two

Look for others signaling in the Sexual Jungle, but assume their signaling has nothing to do with you.

When you are out in public, at work, on a bus, or anywhere in the Sexual Jungle, try to be aware of the signaling of people around you.  The best way to watch for signaling is by watching what people do with their eyes.

This exercise is just to help you get tuned in to signaling, not to think of people in a sexual manner.  To tune your Sex-dar, you really have to be mature and even kind of clinical about it.

Important note:  Do not stare or gawk at anyone.  A respectful glance or two is all that is needed to see someone's signaling.

If you can successfully do Step One then by the time you get to Step Two, your Sex-dar will really be getting tuned in.  Step One is probably the most important.  You need to feel yourself signaling while you are doing it.  Even if you are signaling unavailable, there is a certain way you do this, with body language and intent.  Try to feel the action of your own signaling while it is happening.  If you become keenly aware of your own signaling, you will excel at Step Two.

In most cases, you will not be able to ask people if you are reading their signals correctly, so you might have to use a lot of self-scoring.  This is fine as long as you sometimes can see you were correct.  For instance, seeing a person who you think is signaling available, and then later seeing that person approach someone to ask for their number.  Or seeing a person who seems to be signaling unavailable, and then seeing that person's spouse walk in the door a bit later and the two wrap their arms around each other.

The more you tune in to your own signal and the signal of others, the more your Sex-dar skills will be calibrated.  This is still just the beginning of it, however.


I have have had no choice but to use Sex-dar because the sexual vibe of others (even if not related to me at all) has always been in my awareness.  Since meeting my husband and understanding even more about the Vast Sexual World and all of the highly sexual people in it, my Sex-dar has been greatly expanded, especially about my own signaling and how it is possible to be in full control of it.

I loved learning Self-Discipline, discovering how to keep myself locked down, and only sending all of my sexual signals to my Sex God husband.

When you channel it all in one direction, your sexual signal can knock someone off their feet.  Use it with caution!

See Calibrating Your Sex-Dar, part 2 for more!