Saturday, November 16, 2013

32. Sensitivity Training: Unicorns DO Exist

When you refer to someone as a Unicorn it can mean a few different things, but it usually means someone who is so awesome (per your specifications) that they are literally unattainable and therefore, may as well be non-existent.
Many people would consider my Sex God husband to be a Unicorn.  The thinking goes that people like him are scarce and they hold some “magic” that others don’t have.  

I’ve heard myself referred to as a Unicorn because I am a highly sexual female.  The thinking here goes that men are more sexual than women are, and highly sexual females are extremely rare but highly sexual males are not (but Sex Gods are still rare).

Something I’ve discovered that might surprise you is that many people are Unicorn-i-phobic.
People are suspicious of highly sexual people.  Which I can understand sort of, because there is confusion between “highly sexual” and “predatory”.  When I’m talking about being highly sexual, I mean people who are only sexual with explicit enthusiastic consent.  Those who are true predators and creeps are not on the same scale.  But when you can’t tell who is who, it can be confusing.

Let’s look at the Sexual Proclivity Scale again...

Most people probably fall in the regularly sexual range and on the upper (very) and lower (moderately) sides of it.  The regularly sexual population are not "less than" those who are higher on the scale, like ESP's.  The main difference is that ESP’s will make sex a bigger priority in their lives and will typically have more sexual experiences.

I've always wanted to see one
but I was afraid it might trample me!
But in the collective consciousness there is suspicion cast on people who are highly sexual…I have witnessed this first hand.  In fact, some people who want to be more sexual themselves have a fear of those who already are.  Dr. Nerdlove (my new favorite blogger) talks about this issue on these most excellent posts:

The Secret to Getting More Sex

Who Has The Power In Dating?

Everything in these two posts is just so RIGHT ON that I want to shake Dr. Nerdlove's hand.  He says much more than I can on this topic and he's hit every note I would have tried to if I could.

Of course, he is writing for the single reader, so his topics do not usually center around monogamy the way mine do.  He discusses sexual topics as they affect the dating world.  But the dating world is part of the Vast Sexual World so it's relevant reading for anyone who wants to know more about sexuality.  I'm going to summarize a lot of what he said in those two excellent posts as best I can below.

Can’t we all just get along with the Unicorns?  They do exist.  They are not dangerous.  And you can see them for what they really are when you believe in them!  

It has always been obvious to me that people sometimes fear highly sexual females, because I have been one my whole life.  A young female with too many curious questions will be met with suspicion by nearly everyone.  An adult female who is sexually self-aware and aggressive can send many men running the opposite direction.

Which is kind of ironic, because it is a popular belief that a woman can "get sex any time she wants" because "all men want sex anytime they can get it with any willing (hot enough for his tastes) female".  In my experience, this is just not true.
Ladies, NEVER do this without enthusiastic consent!

First of all, not all men will just “do” any willing woman, whether she is attractive or not.  Some men will turn away from sexual opportunities without regret.  Think  about Gilligan, Maryann and Ginger.  

Gilligan doesn't want to pick which one of the girls he'd rather do, he wants to run away from them both.  Now to me, Gilligan isn't just a wimpy dude who can't handle these chicks, this is a man who is not down for sex unless it is on his own terms.  

Gilligan set his boundaries pretty well.  I don't think either Maryann or Ginger ever got past them.  They spent years sexually harassing him to no avail.  (Poor Gilligan).

Secondly, even highly sexual men are far more discerning than most people assume.  The ones who are self-aware will pass up sexual opportunities if they don’t happen to fit their current needs or desires for sex.

Being a male ESP doesn’t mean you are a walking erection just waiting for a willing person to happen across your path.  ESP’s understand that good sex isn’t a scarce commodity (and neither are ESP females) and therefore, random sexual opportunities are not unexpected.  They actually happen all the time.  It isn’t that big of a deal.

When you are highly sexual and you choose monogamy as a sexual lifestyle, you have to set up boundaries against these random sex opportunities.  You expect them and you deftly deflect them in favor of staying true to your lifestyle choice.

It happens all the time: ESP’s see each other in the wild and find each other and have sex with each other.  They don’t misunderstand each other or consider each other Unicorns.  ESP’s know that other ESP’s are always around somewhere in this Vast Sexual World.  Nothing sexual is unattainable, really.  That doesn’t mean that sex isn’t special and out-of-this-world good, it just means that it is available and attainable.  An ESP usually knows how to find their ideal sex partner and how to be one themselves.

Good news!  Unicorns DO exist!  And YOU can be one, too....

Since in the bigger picture of the Vast Sexual World nothing is unattainable, then the particular mythical creature that you think is out of your reach actually DOES exist out there somewhere and it IS within your reach.

What’s even better is that YOU have an inner Unicorn, too.  I have learned that most people are capable of a much higher level of sexual functioning than they allow themselves to use.

So what about the people who really should scare us?

Well, unfortunately those exist, too.  The predators and creepers that really can harm you, use you, or get your sexual aura muddy are out there.  I just tell people that if your Sex-dar is honed really well, you can "see" the predatory creepers and distinguish them from the real Unicorns, Sex Gods and other Sexual Beasts that roam the Sexual Jungle.  Predators cast an ugly shadow and have a "vibe" that you can't mistake.  I'll make a separate post soon about honing your Sex-dar skills!  (updated later: here's the Sex-dar posts: Calibrating Your Sex-Dar)

I am totally buying this for
The Sex Closet
How to find your very own Unicorn or become one yourself...

Step One:  You must be a true believer!  

Step Two:  If you have Unicorn-i-phobia you must overcome it.

Step Three:  You must feel worthy of seeing the Unicorn.

Step Four:   Cast a Unicorn net in your own back yard and wait for the snare to be triggered.

I'm sure the last step sounds like the punch line of the joke, but it really isn't.  Because Unicorns - once you believe in them, stop fearing them, and make yourself ready for them - tend to show up very close to home. 

Like in the mirror, or in your own bed.  

(spoiler: the something inside you is a Unicorn)

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