Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Sexual Preparedness

I don't know why the boy scout is drinking a beer
but I thought it was funny.
There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes of an awesome sex life like ours.  A lot of preparation, thought, assets and supply acquisitions, research and development, planning, primping, plucking and fitness training.

It’s a whole lot of work, but so worth it because the benefits to our Preparedness is that we can have any type of fantasy sex we want on a moment’s notice, or we can spend days planning a whole Sexual Event Weekend complete with costumes and furniture, or we can slip off to bed spontaneously and enjoy each other in the heat of the moment.  

All of these types of sex are made better and easier to achieve by using our Preparedness skills.


One of the fundamentals to great Preparedness: Personal Hygiene

Hmm...would I kiss her?  
Of course all the usuals apply here, such as brushing and flossing daily and more often if necessary for coffee breath, etc.  Always have gum and mints around.  Also, regular dental check ups.  We try to be gently honest with each other here, too.  If one of us smells icky, the other kindly lets them know.
Shower daily or more often if necessary.  Showering together is even more fun!  We like to wash with yummy smelling products that the other one enjoys the smell of.  If I buy one and he doesn’t like it, it will not get used.  How we each smell is always important.  He uses a touch of a cologne that I love but never too much.  We love the natural scent of each other, too (everyone has a personal Jungle signature).

The Would You Do You? rule is always in play in my hygiene efforts.  So I check myself over for things I would look at on a person I might be considering kissing…you will be surprised if you look at yourself in the mirror with this in mind.  You are suddenly in HD!

We keep our hedges trimmed…this is a personal choice, but it seems like most people do trim these days.  We are both pretty closely trimmed and it feels very nice.  I do not enjoy the feeling of being totally bare.  And I have this icky feeling about getting rid of pubic hair permanently.....

Like, what if an apocalypse happens and we are forced backwards in evolution to living in caves and we don’t have any more convenient cotton panties to wear?  Then we’re gonna need our muffs to grow back to protect our coochies from the elements and dirt and stuff.  I say, if you are going to go bare at least don't do anything permanent, just in case! 
Thank goodness I found these shells for some support
after the apocalypse,
but damn I wish I had some panties!
Also…what IF…(and this is a big IF but)….what if, someday the trend changes from people being mostly bare being “the hot look” to people being mostly natural and having huge bushes being “the hot look”?  It could happen, right?  I want to know I can grow a bush if I ever need to, whether for protection or sexual fashion choice.

We do other primping and plucking on a regular basis.  We try not to have wayward hairs and scary rogue whiskers around.  Ew.  Nicely tamed hairs and whiskers are welcome!


Next on the Preparedness list: Assets and Supply Acquisitions

Over time, we have purchased various assets that help with our sex life.  And then there are supplies that get used up and need to be replaced.  Some of our more useful assets have been:

Wedges and other sex furniture…it seems like all couples will have varying heights and body shapes and other factors that create a need for sex furniture and aids.

The only hard part about this is that you can’t return the specialty sex furniture, so if you buy one that doesn’t help you have better sex or more fun, it can end up being a waste of money.

We have gotten good at utilizing other things around the house to help us achieve the best and most comfortable sex angles.  Try everything you can think of in your house, you might have something that works great as sex furniture there already.

Him: I'm bringing this thing inside after the party!
Her: You read my mind.
I wrote about our Sex Closet in this blog post.  The Sex Closet itself is a great asset, and the clothes, shoes, costumes and accessories inside are also assets.  We add to the closet at least a few times per year.

Our toys, porn and other goodies collection is an asset we have built up over time.  We also add to this collection a few times per year.  See a related post here: Goin' to the Porn Store!

Other assets that we don’t have but which I know others do would be things like sexually charged (real) tattoos or genital piercings, a big leather collection (clothes, hats, toys, chaps, whips), special silk ropes, swings and pulleys…there are a lot of assets available, as far down the rabbit hole you want to go.

Supplies are things like lube and other oils, and always having clean fresh towels next to the bed.

We have two rooms we usually have sex in within our house, so we keep lube and sex towels stocked in both of these rooms.  In our main bedroom, we each have a night stand with little cupboards in them to hide our sex towels and lube and other supplies.

Honey, buying lube in bulk is so much cheaper!

I don't buy new towels to use for sex towels, I just "demote" our bath towels, hand towels and wash clothes to sex towels once they get frayed or show signs of wear.  Then I buy new towels to replace them with, so the buying of replacement towels is all part of the overall preparedness agenda.

Other supplies might include fake tattoos and other cute body decorations, good quality candles and working lighters, rubber gloves, etc.  Whatever we might need for a rockin' good time, we usually have in stock.

On preparing for spontaneous versus planned sexual encounters....

We sometimes plan for sex, and sometimes sex just happens.  Sometimes we are planning a whole sex weekend or a vacation.

In those cases, we obviously try to plan well and bring everything we might possibly want with us.

We make lists and double check them and then go shopping and then pack for the trip.  It is really very fun packing for a sexy weekend when you have so much available to choose from.  Whee!

Sometimes we are planning a BIG sexual event at home that requires lighting, furniture moving, costumes, hair and make up, wall decorations, etc.  Nights like this require a bit of time to put together for ourselves to then enjoy it later.

Other times we are planning to just have some nice and easy weekday sex later that evening.  We might establish this in the morning on the way out to work…one of us says “hey, tonight?” and the other responds “yes, please!”  Thus it is the plan to have sex that night.

My preparations for sex later that night will include:

+Having only a light dinner, so as not to feel too full during sex (uncomfortable!)

+Not eating onions, drinking coffee, or ingesting anything that day that could leave a permeating smell around me (gross!)

+Making sure if I need to trim or prepare further (shave legs, etc) before sex, that I leave time for it sometime before the main event.

If sex just spontaneously happens, obviously we can’t plan for it…but thanks to our regular planning and
preparations, many things are in place that will make spontaneous sex even better!  Lube?  Check.  Clean up supplies?  Check.

A side note about hygiene and spontaneous sex: We choose to wash up immediately before sex on most occasions.  If I haven’t had a shower since morning and we spontaneously decide to have sex in the evening, I will always insist on washing up thoroughly before making love.  It is just sort of a Would You Do You? thing for me.  I wouldn’t put my mouth “down there” on anyone who wasn’t freshly washed, not even my own if I could (can anyone really do that?)  Thus, my Sex God husband washes up before most sexual encounters as well, as he feels the same way about where he puts his mouth.
It may seem very un-spontaneous to stop the hot and heavy make out to go wash up, but hey, it is quick and you just go do it and BAM! You’re back in the saddle, all fresh and clean.  We never lose the mood just because we need to wash up, it is a pleasure to wash up because we know our spouse will get our best, freshest self possible, and all the while we are washing, we are anticipating some awesome sex.


Research and Development

There are many ways of doing Sexual Research and Development.  (Reading my sex blog counts!)  

For us, one of the best R&D manuals ever is The Guide To Getting It On. 

The Guide to Getting It On! - Amazon Books

This book is great and a couple can spend years reading it and then going back over stuff and trying new things, talking about sexual topics…plus the book is filled with awesome illustrated pictures (I used one on my last post) that are very sexy and tasteful, but still quite graphic.  Everyone should have this book for their own personal Sexual R&D!
We have some sexual goals in our relationship.  Some are about achieving specific sex acts, some are more about reaching different levels of intimacy and vulnerability.  Some are centered around purchasing and using specific fun sex toys.  We have things we are working toward sexually and we know we have time to achieve them.  Long term sexual goal planning together is very fun.

As we begin exploring new items on our goals list, we sometimes have to do some specific R&D about that item.  Sometimes books or movies are used for R&D of these specific acts and toys, etc.  I mean, some of these things literally require instructions and “body preparation” so we gotta study up and find out what has to happen to achieve these goals safely.  Whoo whee…this part is fun!  We end up learning about things that are fascinating and edgy, whether we end up trying them or not.

The most important part of R&D for me is exploring myself for new feelings and ideas.  We are all always growing, and sexually speaking, I try to deliberately grow into new areas of myself and explore what is there.  I research my own mind and sexual being and then develop new ideas out of my findings.  I learn more about my husband the same way, while he freely grows outward or inward.


Sexual Fitness Training

Being a gymnast has been an awesome bonus to my sex life.  It is the best sport ever, as far as I am concerned.  And the sexual benefits are just icing on the sex cake.  Being strong and flexible helps us have rough and playful and vigorous sexual encounters. 

He is athletic too, so we can also enjoy playing some sports together or exercising together.  And more specifically, we love having a sort of wrestle-play and circus act session.  We have spent a lot of time playing around with our bodies in various poses, lifts, stands and dips.  These types of endeavors require practice and skill, so time is devoted to working out some real Circus Sex moves.  Time is also devoted to anything that increases our overall fitness, so that we can continue to develop our Circus Sex skill set.

Keeping our weight from fluctuating too far from ideal is a way of staying sexually fit.  If I'm heavier, I can't.....

*do a million frog squats on top of him.

*get thrown around as easily.

*hold up my own weight as easily in some positions, such as when he says “throw your arms around my neck” and I do so (and also my legs) and then he picks me entirely up off the bed with me clinging to him like a koala bear…when I am heavier, this is more difficult to pull off.

So we try to keep our weight in check...but hey, we like some softness, too.

We aren’t gym junkies…we are fit by staying active, being athletic, and having lots of sex.

Not a gymnast?  Anyone can get the same benefits from a yoga class or from regular stretching.  Flexibility helps all bodies have better sex.  I love being flexible, it seems to add to my sexual pleasure.  Anyone can greatly improve their sexual abilities (and their overall health) by getting more flexible!


Another form of sexual fitness training is kegels…for men and women. There are too many benefits for me to describe, but here is plenty of info on these exercises.

Kegels for men, Mayo Clinic

Kegels for Women, Mayo Clinic

(Seriously, everyone needs to do this…doing these exercises familiarizes you with a whole world of muscles that are related to your sexual functioning! Getting these muscles toned and fit improves every part of your sex life!)

Some types of sexual fitness training are a bit more specific to certain sexual acts.  For instance, if you want to be able to deep throat a man, this does take practice and you have to get your throat “in shape” for it.

This might include doing different exercises and experimenting with working the mechanics of your throat more consciously.  There are many other acts that require some sexual fitness training…I won’t go into them but there is a LOT of info in The Guide to Getting It On about nearly every conceivable sex act and what preparations are required.  That book is the sex bible and instruction manual of the universe.


So to recap…Sexual Preparedness includes a lot of things for us Happy Sex Campers!

Time, energy and money spent on...

+planning and preparing for sex
+acquiring items to add to our sexual assets
+researching and developing new sexual goals and achievements
+staying sexually fit and attractive for ourselves and each other

so we can finally…

+actually have all that great sex!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Healthy, Happy Porn and Masturbation

On my post about our Rules of Conduct, I mentioned two rules that needed a separate post to discuss.  Those two rules were:

No masturbation without permission from our spouse.

No porn without each other, and with each other only by mutual agreement.

These rules are pretty hardcore, but that is why I call it Hardcore Monogamy.


Why no masturbation without permission?

The short answer is: Because we deliberately save all of our orgasms and sexual experiences for each other.

What do I mean by permission?
For the most part, we don’t tend to want to masturbate very often, because we do have a lot of sex.  But on the rare occasion one of us did want to masturbate, we would have to ask permission of the other one.  The other one now has the following ways to respond:

*Response number 1:  Permission is granted.

This response is the least likely one to be given.  We don’t want to send each other off alone to masturbate, we'd much rather share a sexual experience.  However in the unlikely event that one of us did have permission to masturbate alone, we still would not have permission to watch porn alone.

*Response number 2: Permission is denied, please wait until sex can occur.

This response is also not highly likely.  This response would mean the requestor is denied the masturbation and no other sexual outlet is offered.  There are better responses which are more conducive to our awesome sex life.  See the following ones.

*Response number 3:  Permission denied, but sex (intercourse) is offered instead.

This is a happy response!  “Hey, let’s just have sex instead!”  Usually, getting this answer is like cha-ching!  Having sex is almost always preferable to masturbating.

But what if you, the masturbation requestor, don’t have enough energy for full on sex but you do have enough energy to masturbate (it happens once in a while).  In that case, the requestor can give the following…

Counter response number 3A: Requestor suggests mutual masturbation, outercourse, or a one way (oral, manual, etc), in lieu of the sex that was offered in response number 3.
Deal!  Meet you upstairs in 10 minutes!
If the permission granter accepts this counter response, it means some kind of fun sexual activity (other than intercourse) will occur, with one or both of us climaxing.  Whee!

*Response number 4: Permission granted, but I get to be there.

This is another happy response.  We both love being held and loved on by each other during any sexual experience, including a solo one.  To be there while the other has a solo experience is a treat and an honor.  And sometimes, the one who is not masturbating may have intended to just be there, but they end up very turned on and then a mutual masturbation or sex session might spontaneously break out.  Fun!

Why do we require permission to masturbate?

We choose to have all of our sexual experiences together, rather than apart.  But neither of us felt that way when we first met.  We kept our individual masturbation habits for a while into our relationship.  As I have stated in other posts, neither of us ever had rules of conduct like these before, nor would we have agreed to them before.

But as we fell deeper in love with each other, these rules began to emerge as the best way for us to stay sexually and romantically in love with each other.  For one thing, by denying ourselves any other sexual outlet, we know we need to go straight to each other for sexual gratification.

I have so much more pent up sexual energy when I do not masturbate solo, and it all then goes into my sexual relationship with my husband.  Also, we both like having this system in place so that we are both feel totally free to discuss every sexual urge we have, not hide it or have to struggle to figure out how to deal with it.  Our rules actually allow for a lot of open communication about sex, which is sexy and fun in itself!

The no masturbation without permission rule helped us each learn and exercise Self-Discipline.  When you can be totally aware of your sexual urges and desires, handle them in a healthy way that is approved of and encouraged by your spouse, and you end up getting MORE sex as an outcome, it is a joy to learn Self-Discipline.

By now, I am learning to work with my own sexual energy in ways I never have before.  When it is not leaked out here and there, when it is saved up and focused, it is so much more intense and gratifying.  It is sort of like dieting and exercising the sexual aspects of myself.

Neither my husband or I feel that masturbation is wrong.  We are mature adults who had normal masturbation habits and attitudes who met and fell in love, and then adopted a framework of sexual rules for our own reasons.  We do not think about others’ habits in this area at all.  I just wanted to say this part so it wouldn’t seem like we were on an anti-masturbation campaign.  We don't have anything to say about what anyone else is doing...it is all good.

We sure love what we are doing though.  It serves our marriage so well.

Why no porn without each other and only by mutual agreement?

Porn can be great, but it also can be a drain on your sexual energy.  When you watch someone else have sex and masturbate instead of having sex yourself, you train your body to be an outside observer to sexual events instead of being the main character and having sex yourself.  

My husband and I both enjoy porn but neither of us are attached to it.  It is a nice thing to have sometimes, but if we don’t have it we don’t miss it.  Because we have a rockin’ sex life, we put most porn to shame anyway.  My husband had plenty of time in his single adult life to view all the porn he ever wanted to.  I’m glad for that because by this time in his sexual life he feels that porn is simply a fun tool, not a coveted treasure.    I have watched plenty in the past as well.

Porn is like a very sugary, sweet sexual indulgence...very delicious sometimes but too much is not good for you. We decided that the best way to keep us both as healthy as possible was to only indulge in it together.  That way, we can mutually discuss and agree on what porn we indulge in, and also when, where and under what circumstances we want to use it for.

Yay, more shopping!

For those times when we do want to share some porn together, we shop for it together ahead of time in sex stores.  We actually do sex shopping trips once a quarter or so…where we buy sex clothes for the sex closet, toys, accessories, and go through the porn DVD’s.

See related post: Goin' to the Porn Store!

We try to stay within a budget, and pick movies that we hope are good…we make our best guesses on based on the crappy pics on the cover.  Even just shopping for them is fun!  We try to have one or two options that we haven’t seen yet in a special sex drawer, for whenever the occasion arises that we want to watch a bit of it.

We have recently watched some porn online at Fleshbot, after they put me on their blilf list.  But we don't tend to watch porn online, usually it is hand picked DVD's. (Note: my faves are Russ Meyers movies!  Yes, they are tame compared to current stuff, but man they are sick.)

By not watching porn alone, it makes it way more fun when we watch it together!  By keeping a limited supply of mutually agreed upon porn around, we get to indulge in it together whenever we want to, and therefore we are not deprived of porn at all.  It is always there if we want it.  

I love being so ultra-faithful to my husband that I won’t even masturbate without his permission.  It makes me feel like a sex slave who is willingly enslaved because she’s so in love with this Sex God guy.  Oh wait,that’s my actual life!

How do you feel about Supervixens tonight?
There isn’t any punishment handed out for not following these rules.  If one of us broke one of the rules, the other would not freak out.  We would just talk about it.  We are on the honor system.  We don’t go around snooping behind each other, though we are each free to do that if we felt we needed to or wanted to.

Our rules are there for fun and sexual reasons.  Don't try any of this at home if it doesn't sound like consensual fun to you!  

Note added later: this title of this blog post inspired this future blog post: Is "Happy Porn" a thing?

Good Bad Times

In my last post, I talked about being us Bad Kids .  I want to expand on that topic in this post and give examples of fun edgy Bad Play.

My husband expects a very high level of sexual participation from me.  And although neither of us are technically Bad Kids, he wants me to play in the bedroom like a very Bad Girl  He doesn’t want a girl who is hiding beneath the sheets or who is unsure of herself sexually.  He wants to be with a woman who is sexually self-aware and who wants to play at his level.

And that level is pretty high.

Here are some examples (please note, none of these examples are about having actual sex…they are about our sexuality):

*We passionately make out and do some heavy petting or even down right groping every day, sometimes multiple times per day.
*I allow him access to my body at all times.  That means if he wants to reach up my shirt and handle my breasts, he gets to.

This pic is from The Guide to Getting It On!
*He wants me to assert myself sexually as well.  He is not always the aggressor.  Sometimes I am the one who is shoving my hand up his shirt (or down his pants) to stroke and grab at his chest (or his package).

*I can be modest, but I cannot “hide” myself from him.  He demands visual access to my body when he wants it.

*We have a "throwdowns may occur at any time"“ policy.  That means he might shove me up against a wall without warning, so I have to be prepared to just go with it and allow it.  I might do the same to him, and he will allow himself to be pushed down on a bed or against a wall.  This is FUN, every single time!  No pain, just rough and aggressive.

*I have to be sexually expressive, not demure.  I can pretend to be demure as a role playing thing.  But my normal daily sexual setting is set on Bad Girl.

*My husband will take risks to be sexual toward me in public places, while at the same time keeping our boundaries up very high so that no one will see my sexuality shining forth.  So for me, this ends up being a fun game of “come gimme your goodies in public and I promise not to let anyone else see what we are doing”.

*He has to understand my high need for humping and jumping on him.  I am very high energy, and I Want To Be On Him.  I’m kind of a monkey girl, and because he knows me and loves me, he has to tolerate a certain level of monkey girl and bring his monkey boy out to play with me!


I understand that many women don’t want to be groped without warning.  For some, that would be very annoying.  For me, it is awesome.  My body loves his hands being on me.  We are both highly sexual, him more than me, but not by that much.

I have never allowed free access of my body to anyone before this relationship.  If someone would have asked me if I wanted to be groped randomly by a sexual partner I would have answered “no, thank you”.

But his hands and approach changed my mind on that.  Once I understood how good it felt to just let my man in…to let him have real access to my body on his instinctual level and timeline…I was very quickly ready to step up my game to match his.  
My husband can’t keep his hands off of me, and he refuses to try.

I wrote more about groping in this post.
This is something that I cherish about him.  I understand now that this impulse of his, this inability to keep his hands off me, is the fountain from which all my sexual wishes can come true!

In order to get the sex I always dreamed of, I had to let this fountain of sexuality within him rush forth toward me, and then I had to feel it’s incredible power.  I had to not fear it, to welcome it, and to be sexually mature enough to handle it.  I had to trust him with my body completely, to the extent that I would not stop him from fondling my breasts if he wanted to, or pushing me up against a wall and kissing me deeply.

My husband is really good with his hands, there’s no doubt about that.  It is a sexual thrill to my skin when he puts his palm on my thigh, and then I melt down completely when he simply squeezes it and jiggles me around a little bit.  He claims that by doing this, he is stirring up my hormones and waking up my sex organs.  He says that my skin poofs out discernible pheromones when he grabs up my flesh into his hand like that.

I know that women in his past have been so sexual that they also played at his level and enjoyed being sexually handled by him.  He knows that many highly sexual women want their bodies to be touched, worshipped and stimulated often.  When I thought about what this might feel like, before I had actually given him full access to my body, I thought about highly sexual women and wondered how it must feel to them.  Why was it not annoying to them to be groped?

I read some stories and found confessions by highly sexual women, who explained that by allowing a man to freely explore your body and to encourage his instinctual curiosity about it, her own sexual energy was constantly being charged up.  This made sense and it made me want to give it a try.

At some point I turned a corner and realized that if I wanted to control all access to my body, I would not be able to experience the true sexuality of someone else.  To experience my husband’s sexuality, I had to really see who he was.  I had to see what he wanted to do to me, on his own terms.  I had to not shut him down.  And then I had to allow his inner Bad Boy full charge over my body.  My Good Girl had to stop trying to keep the gate closed, and my Bad Girl had to take over and swing the gate wide open.

Well, that totally paid off!  This body has never been happier, and I sexually trust my Sex God husband with every inch of it.

When I opened myself to him and gave him full access to my body, I found he immediately handled me with a deep level of sensual expression, even when he was just straight up boob grabbing.  His honest sexual impulses are to reach out and titillate me constantly, and to keep my body sexually charged up.  He also takes so much pleasure in touching, grabbing and kissing my body, so doing these things keeps him sexually charged up all the time, too.

Being sexual with him gives me the high spirited energy of a horny teenager…while at the same time, he inspires me to bring out some natural skills that are worthy of a porn star.  I didn’t know I had this in me until I allowed his sexuality to bring it out.

Allowing him this access to my body wasn’t Bad Play.  It was part of an overall shift I had to make in order to be on the same sexual level as my husband.  The Bad Play is the flavor of what he brought to the table once that access was granted.  He plays rough and he wants rough play in return.  

Some couples could have the same open access system, but play with a different flavor and style…instead they might be a lot more into sensual play…or something much less rough than the way we play, or even more rough than we play. The open access part that I am describing in this post could be put to good use in nearly any type of play.  It is mostly a way of just truly accepting his male impulses, and in our case, him accepting my monkey girl impulses.


Fun Tips!  If you are in a sexual relationship and have a willing partner, here are some things you could try to have some Bad Kids fun like I am describing above.  Even if you don’t adopt these as practices, trying them even once can stir things up!  (Note: these exercises can only be done with good solid communication, openness and True Consent.  Don’t do them without these, please!)

*Even if you aren’t willing to give full access of your body to your partner all day every day (understandable!), can you try it for just 24 hours?  For 24 hours, agree with your partner that you are both allowed to touch each other in any way you please.  Try not to anticipate how this will make you feel, and instead just be open and find out.

*If you are granted this access, do you know how you want to touch your partner?  Or would it be so out of the ordinary for you that you would hold yourself back?  If you would hold back, what would you need in order to let yourself go?

*Stand together in front of a mirror naked and talk about anything, not necessarily a sexual topic.  Let your hands run all over each other while you are looking at your bodies in the mirror and still talking.  Doing this is Bad Play because you are facing each other in your naked glory and not covering up or hiding from it (Bad Boys and Girls strut their nakedness around a lot!)

*Have your spouse strip for you.  Pick the music yourself, set the scene in your house somewhere, have the dollar bills ready, and put your spouse in the spot light for a private strip tease.  This can be as casual or as complicated as you want.  If you can't handle a full strip, just strip down to your undies.  Take turns and each be the stripper and the stripped for on different occasions.  The point of this exercise is to get some Bad Kid flavor in your blood as you brazenly shake your money maker for your adoring partner…like a BAD BAD stripper!  You Naughty Thing!  Tee hee!

*Or if you want to get more into it, get DVD’s on how to strip or take pole dancing classes.  Then choreograph a whole routine and do your fancy special strip act for your partner on a special occasion.  The classes themselves and all the practice will hopefully stir up your inner Bad Kid juices.  (Note: classes can be sketchy...look for ones that are in regular dance studios, not strip clubs).

*Get some of these naughty fake tattoos that say things like "porn star" and "pet me" and "sex kitten", both of you put them on your body in sexy areas, and pretend you are so sexually arrogant that you have a real tattoo like this.  These tattoos are so fun!  They will last about 24 hours usually.  Go online and find ones that make you feel sexual.  Put them on before you do the mirror exercise above!


If none of those ideas appeal to you, there are plenty of other sexy idea books and resources out there.  Find one and find something fun to try!  Being Bad is so Good when you are safe in a loving relationship.  The flavor you put on your plate might taste different but I hope it will be just as nourishing and fun.

The biggest surprise about being Bad is that it can open a door to intimacy that you didn’t know was there.  Because we fear what is Bad in us and in others, many of us refuse to open that door and Play Bad.  I feared opening it too but when I finally did, it allowed me to experience a deeper level of connection with my Bad Boy husband.   Yumm!

The Bad Boys and Girls Club of America

See this movie! 
My husband and I are both Bad.  Bad Boys and Girls…that’s us.  We were “those” kids.

We were the kids who were smoking behind school and who were more likely to be chased around by cops than other kids.  We were the ones who did drugs and got naked in public and had crazy sex with other Bad Kids. 
But that was far in the past.  We’re regular grownups now.  We’re reformed.  We’ve moved on.  Now we have careers and adult kids and real estate.

The only bit of Bad we still have is the crazy hot sex.  (Oh…and sometimes crazy hot sex in risky situations).


Women love Bad Boys, right?

Well no, not all women love them.  I do love a few of them…but not all of them.  Some people are icky, including some Bad Boys.  There are many differing levels of Bad, and not all of it is sexy.  

But some Bad Boys, the ones chicks dig, are also ESP's.  The ESP part (being highly sexual) is usually a natural thing.

Here's the Sexual Proclivity Scale again:

So when someone asks “why does a Bad Boy get so much action?” the answer isn’t "because he is Bad".

The answer is usually because he is ESP.  Women who are extremely sexual get a lot of action too, and they are usually the ones who will end up with Bad Boys and other ESP men.   

ESP’s prioritize sex in their lives and therefore, they have more sex.  I have no proof of my theory here, I am just reporting what I’ve seen play out over and over.

People who are higher on the Sexual Proclivity Scale will have more sex, and because of having more sex they have more sexual experience, and because of having more experience they have better and better quality sex over their lifetimes.  Their inner drive toward high quality sex will ultimately bring it into their lives.

People who are lower on the scale can also love sex and have lots of it and be really good at it, too.  But they will typically have less sex overall and they usually will take less sexual risks.  They are usually happy with a good sex life and many are very fulfilled.  They love sex but other areas of their lives have much higher priority.

An ESP has other priorities in life, too.  But the priority on having a stellar sex life is very high, and it is usually achieved because their natural level on the Sexual Proclivity Scale keeps them yearning toward it. 

Not all ESP’s are Bad Boys and Girls.  Some ESP’s partner up early in life with other ESP’s and live happily ever after and don’t end up playing the field.

And those of us who *were* Bad Boys and Girls can be reformed, too.  We don’t have to go around being crazy in the Sexual Jungle.  We can settle in at home with each other and have fun adventurous and even risky sex there.

With all of that said…I think that anyone can behave like a Bad Kid in that Good-Bad-Sexy way and have some seriously fun times.

What someone might lack in sexual experience they can make up for with wild enthusiasm.  The "Bad" part is just a flavor.  It is a role that can be played by anyone who has the inclination.  If a couple is hot for each other they can find their inner Bad Boy and Girl.  When you are into sex and into your partner, you can make it be great in so many different ways.

One way is by getting down with your Bad Self!  Like this: Good Bad Times!  And this: Groping, Harassment, and more.

You can be perfectly monogamous and perfectly Bad at the same time.  Being Bad doesn't mean stepping outside of any of our Hardcore Boundaries.  It just means we play hard and rattle around inside of that steel cage like a couple of animals.  Rawr!