Tuesday, April 29, 2014

How to Worship a Man's Body

I wrote about body worship in this blog post.  Now I'm getting more specific to talk about worshiping a man's body.

By saying body worship, I am referring to when a partner who truly loves and/or lusts for their lover's body devotes time to exploring it, to really looking at it and examining it, and then touching it where ever they want to.  This can only be done by someone who really wants to worship.  

The partner being worshiped has to allow themselves to be worshiped.  And this isn't easy nor desireable for everyone, either.  To be properly worshiped, you mustn't feel insecure, self-conscious, or opposed to being worshipped.

Being totally open to being worshiped means you really want it and you don't hold yourself back for fear of looking arrogant or silly, or for any other reason.  (One big reason that stops a lot of people from allowing themselves to be worshipped is that they don't pass the Would You Do You? test).

Easy example: Stripping for your lover.  If you can imagine yourself enthusiastically stripping naked in a fully lit room for your lover and not feeling a bit self-conscious, then you probably know what I mean by being able to allow yourself to be worshiped.

If the idea of stripping makes you feel like "no, I wouldn't want to do that", then you know what I mean when I say it isn't for everyone.

It is just a preference, not a sexual necessity. Not being into worship doesn't say anything about your sexuality.  Neither does being into it.  Body worship is like a type of sex act.  Not everyone likes it, but those who do typically love it.  Highly sexual people tend to be into it.

I'm writing this post because I've learned that - generally speaking - men don't have their bodies worshiped the way women do.  There is a cultural idea that a woman's body is supposed to be worshiped by men, but a man's body isn't necessarily ever worshiped.  I'm trying to pull this subject out of its and look at it a bit.

We are only recently waking up from old, out-dated ideas about sex and sexuality.  For a long time, most of us were sold a picture of sex that was totally "men are this, women are that" and everything was restricted to only what was socially acceptable.  So we were "allowed" to understand that men wanted to worship women's bodies, and therefore, most of us have a basic understanding of what body worship of a woman includes.

We have only recently been "allowed" to understand that women may also want to worship a man's body in the same way.  And men are only now "allowed" to even ask to be worshiped by their lover.

I am of course, describing the hetero cis gender sex scene.  Many kinky and/or LBGT people are already into worshiping men's bodies, or just all bodies, inclusive.  That's why kinky bi-sexual me gets to write cool posts like this one!  I want to spread around the idea that worshiping a man's body is fun, natural and good for you.

Many highly sexual women know a lot about worshiping a man's body, but I had to learn it from my husband.

The world is trying to welcome male body worship, these days.  We see it more and more, but most of the evidence is simply seeing more shirtless hunks in the media and movies and memes.  Women are definitely hot for men's bodies, in general (world's biggest duh).  However, female strippers in clubs for hetero men, versus male strippers in clubs for hetero women?  Wouldn't the ratio be something like 1 man dancer to 1,000 women dancers?

It could be argued that the reason for the huge strip club disparity is evidence that men worship women but not the other way around.  To that I say, no way!  We are just now "allowing" the worship of the male body to be acceptable.  I am seeing a future where there will not be such a huge disparity (though there will always probably be some disparity, eventually I bet it will be small).

Men...we need your help, though.  You have to make a stand and ask for what you want.  Do you want your body worshiped?  Do you want to have your lover feel the intense passion for your body that you feel for (his or) her body?

If you want your body worshiped by your lover, open up and say so.  And women, if you love and lust for your man's body and want to worship it, ask him to allow you to.

When I met my husband, I had never really worshiped a man's body.  I may have felt love/lust for a lover's body, but the idea to worship it just never occurred to me.  I had worshiped a female lover's body though, and it felt incredible.  I had been worshiped by both men and women, and that feeling was great, too.  But because I had never done it, I didn't worship my husband's beautiful man body at first.

I was madly attracted to him physically and did lust and love his body.  But worship it?  I honestly didn't know how.  Thankfully, my husband understands worship very well, both giving and receiving, and was able to teach me.

Something I learned from him right away was that he expected to have his body worshiped.

Does that sound horrible and arrogant?

Because it wasn't.  It was totally hot.  He loves his own body, knows its worth physically and sexually, and he knows that many highly sexual hetero women get off on giving worship as well as receiving it.  In other words, he knows his body is worthy of worship.

He doesn't believe he is attractive to everyone, everywhere.  He knows that his appeal isn't universal, so he isn't saying that every hetero woman everywhere should worship his body.  But if he's narrowed down the field enough to have a lover, yes, he knows his body is worthy of that lover's worship.  (And as I have mentioned in many other posts, he worships my body in the manner of a Sex God, so he gives better than he gets.  Though I am working on my worship skills and may catch up to him one day).

My husband was able to instruct me fairly easily by saying "just watch and feel how I worship you, and do the same".  Of course!  That made sense.  Why didn't I realize it would be the same?  Clearly I had bought into the old message that men worship, women are worshiped, and not the other way around.  I actually didn't think a man would want to be worshiped, based on that old message.

How silly of me.  Of course they want their bodies to be worshiped, why wouldn't they?  It's freaking awesome to be worshiped!

So here are some of my musings on worshiping a man's body, numbered for you for no particular reason.  These thoughts don't have to be followed in rigid order, and not all of them have to be done to have a complete worship:

1.  The man must be able to allow it.

Guys, if you have never had your body worshiped by your lover and you suddenly give it a try, you might find that you don't know how to allow it!  You might find yourself feeling silly, self-conscious, or anxious.  To be worshiped, you do hold a certain power over your lover in the moment, but to let that power really shine you also have to be totally vulnerable.  It is a unique state to be in, being worshiped.  If you can't allow it, it will not happen properly.

2.  The lover must really want to worship the man's body.

Women and other lovers of men, if you honestly don't feel the desire within you to worship your man's body, it will not be possible.

But even if you don't feel the desire, you should try it out at least once anyway.  It is possible you simply don't feel the desire because you believed the "men worship women, not the other way" message.  At least be open to the idea that if your lover is a man, he may desire to have his body worshiped.  Ask him to make sure!  But if you really aren't into it, you just aren't and that's ok.  Worshiping another's body takes a lot of energy and it can't be done properly without a strong desire behind it.

On the other hand, if you know you do want to worship your man's body but never have before, talk to him about it!  Maybe he has been hoping all this time that you wanted to but never asked.

3.  An easy starting point: Stripping

An easy way for a man to get his body worshiped is by stripping for his lover.  This may not be the first choice for some men, but a lot of men find it fun to strip for a lover.  Outfits can be tricky, as there are not a lot of good sex clothes options for men.  (See my article The Sex Closet  for my suggestions).  Guys can check into some instructional classes or watch videos like this one to practice stripping for your lover:

For Guys: How To Perform A Striptease

This video isn't great, but it wasn't horrible either.  I wish there were more good examples that just come up quickly in a google search!  But hopefully that will keep changing over time.  (If you know of a better video of this sort, please let me know).

4.  He doesn't have to get naked to be worshiped.

Sometimes worship doesn't include nudity, it could be focused on or around body adornments, clothing, costumes, or jewelry.  Depending on the man and the lover, you should come up with some other ways that being worshiped would be fun.

Here's an easy example in my marriage: my husband wears casual clothes for his job usually, but on some days he wears a suit.  On those days, I want to worship him for a moment, because he looks so hot in his suit and tie, and because it is a visual treat for me.  So after we get ready for work in the morning, I might sit on the couch and say "baby, cat walk it for me!" and have him come strutting out in his suit like he's too sexy for his shirt, strut down a pretend runway, stop, pose, vogue, then walk away.  I might have to have a few encores of this, because the show is too short.  I will visually drink him in, make cat calls and sex gestures, and I will allow myself the pleasure of being turned on as if I'm at a Chippendale's show.

Or dig into the sex closet and pick out a special outfit for him to put on for you rather than strip off.  If you're kinky, get out  the clamps, tramp stamps, or whatever you're into...and put them on him while he models it all for you.  Mee-yow!

5.  He doesn't have to be seen to be worshiped.

Although the visual part of body worship is a very important one, it isn't actually even necessary.  You can worship a man's body with just your sense of feel, taste and smell.  Put a blind fold on the lover who wants to worship the man's body and let the lover have access to his body in whatever way they want.  This can also be done in the dark or just with eyes closed.  I have a blind friend who assures me that he is able to worship with his hands just as well as any other man can worship with his eyesight, and I believe him.  I can worship my husband by touch alone.

For any man who might feel a bit of anxiety at being worshiped naked in broad daylight, the lights out or blindfold exercise might be a good way to get past that anxiety and work through the vulnerable feelings that come up.

6.  Worshiping a man can be a part of foreplay.

The video I linked above (instructions for a guy to learn to strip) assumes that the strip show is going to lead to sex (at the end of the video, the guy and girl walk off into the bedroom hand in hand).  You can strip or use any type of body worship as foreplay.  It is a great way to get turned on, for both the worshiped and the worshiper.  When done with intent, body worship can be so sexual that it can make both lovers feel intoxicated.

6.a  Or worshiping a man can be done as a stand alone act.

Worshiping a man could be done just by itself, for its own lovely benefits to both the man and the lover, like in my example above when my husband wears a business suit.  Most men who want to be worshiped, would like to have it done both as part of a sexual event, and by itself.  Many men enjoy it on a less sexual level, too, so the worshiper could take out my cat calls in my example above and make more statements about the man's beauty.

7.  Men's bodies are beautiful.

I think the beauty of the male form should be more celebrated, period.  Women know (in general terms) that they are beautiful to men, but many men don't know how beautiful they are.  Also there is a feminine hint in the words beauty and beautiful, that makes it a problematic word when applying it to men.  Let's get over that nonsense, shall we?  Men are beautiful, their bodies, their skin, their hair, every part of them.  The more we are "allowed" to verbally and visually appreciate men, the better.  Extremely fit male bodies are seen in the media and in movies, but they are not the only example of male beauty.  I know many women who worship a man's body who doesn't look anything like the extremely fit bodies in movies and media.

8.  Men have sexy curves.

The outline silhouette of a man's curves is a delight to behold.  To worship it, have a man stand behind a sheet with a light so you can see his shadow clearly.  Or gently run your finger along his skin on his curves and admire them: down his back, along the top of his biceps, up and down his neck and chin, across his thighs.

I am a switch, so I like to grab my husband as if I'm on top once in awhile.  It is a great feeling, to handle him very sexually for the purpose of my own enjoyment through worshiping his body.  The point is, many men love their bodies being loved and adored the way they love a woman's body.  So explore and handle his curves with enjoyment.

9.  Men have boobs.  Grab them!

A really fun way to worship a man through touch is to act like he has boobs.  Grab handfuls of his pecs the way you would handle a woman's boob, and play with his nipples the same way.  There's really no reason for men to feel any less aroused by having their chest worshiped than a woman would.  Now...this one might be stretching it.  I am bisexual, after all.  So I already like boobs and know how to handle them.  But something I have realized since meeting my husband is that his chest is just as sensitive and open to sensual play as mine is.

I love putting my face on his chest and doing a pretend motor boat.  I love running my face slowly across his whole chest, breathing him in.  I love grabbing him aggressively, pretending he has a handful sized boob (he doesn't) and telling him he's driving me crazy with his luscious chest.  Basically the point is just paying his body as much attention as a hetero man usually would want to pay a woman's body.  Boobs are a big player in sex games, and a man's pecs should be, too.  (Love on those biceps, too!  Squeezing a nice bicep feels a lot like squeezing a woman's boob.  Woot!)

9.  Explore his cracks and crevices.

Get your man freshly showered, and then explore all the parts of his body that are within cracks and folds.  Put your face and your hands in there, if you are bold enough.  I've learned so much about male anatomy since learning to worship my husband's body!  I've also learned that there is no part of him that isn't beautiful and deserving of worship.

10.  Worship his penis.

Yes that's what I said, worship it.  If you want to and he wants it to be worshiped, do it!  It is so fun!  This can be done all by itself, it can be done in the form of giving a man oral sex, it can be done just verbally or just visually by handling it and looking at it.  Buy special sex gear and toys to dress it up all fancy.  Penis worship doesn't always have to be sexual, it could be just sensual or even erotically humorous.  There are many fun non-sexual things a penis can do if you have an imagination.

Worship the non-erect penis, and the testicles, too.  The skin is so soft and interesting.  To worship it, really look at it, get to know the whole area in all of it's states.  Beautiful!

I worship my husband's penis on a deeply lustful and sexual level, and I have many different ways of worshiping it.  However, it is just one part of his beautiful body that I worship every day.  (But I do worship it every day.  Hee.)


A couple of end notes...

There is a lot more instruction for how to worship a man's body in the gay world, obviously.  Gay dudes really know how to worship a dude, bro.  So if you are a non-gay man and would like more instruction and ideas on what it is like to give and/or receive male body worship, check out some gay movies, pics, or music videos.  See what it looks like and imagine what it feels like to have your body worshiped by watching several examples of it.  I don't mean porn, but you might find what I'm talking about in porn.

Body worship isn't necessarily about sex.  You can worship your lover's body during sex, but the way I'm writing about it today is about the act of worship itself, without sex.  In my marriage, body worship always intersects with sex somehow.  But even if we couldn't have sex, I would still worship his body in many of the same ways I do now.

Hopefully, you and your lover can worship each other soon!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Why Do We Always Get Into a Fight at Home Depot?

I just don't go there with him anymore.  Because every time we go, we get into a fight.  And something even more weird?  We have noticed that many couples at Home Depot are also fighting!

What the hell?  So it isn't just us?

I've been thinking about this, and I realized that being at the Home Depot makes me feel both horny and edgy.  The reasons behind those feelings are kind of flimsy.  I'm not sure if what I think are the reasons are really reasons or not.  I'm kind of  turned on by tools and home improvement, but why?  I can speculate on why but it isn't an obvious thing to me.

Tools sometimes look like sex toys to me, or I start thinking about how bolts and pulleys could be used to make crazy systems of devices used for consensual sex slavery or other fun things like that contraption thing they put on her in the movie Secretary.

And I feel edgy too, as well as horny.  The edgy thing maybe has to do with the power tools, or just the fact that so many possibilities pop up when you are in there and you start mentally remodeling every structure you own.  Something about thinking of all those probabilities makes me kind of jumpy.

But I think it is easier than that.  I think really what is going on is that a lot of men go through there, and they are naturally poofing off pheromones and saturating the air and space with testosterone.

So that may explain the horny feelings, the edgy feelings, and the tendency to bicker and fight.

I think sex-dar is maybe muted, because I don't usually notice other highly sexual people at the Home Depot. My sex-dar usually works quite well in every environment, but it is just sort of "clicked off" at Home Depot.

My sexual interest in my husband definitely goes up at Home Depot.  I mean, I'm after him just about anywhere, though.

Any time we can duck into a corner and grope and passionately kiss each other, we do it.  So we've made out in Home Depot several times.  But while my sexual interest in him goes up, his interest and focus is on his task at hand.  He is open to being playful and sexy with me, but he will not focus on me.

Of course, not paying attention to me when I'm after him sexually just brings out the monkey girl in me and the next thing he knows, I am climbing one of the push around ladder things just to get higher than him and jump on him.  Then he's telling me to get off of him and let him finish getting what he needs.

After that, I usually feel indignant (not justified as it isn't his fault I felt horny and edgy to begin with) and start huffing around.

Next thing I know, we are bickering...then fighting.

Looking around, is this what is happening to other couples, too?

Sometimes it will look like we are bickering about what to buy or how to put something together.  But honestly, I think we are just off balance from the moment we walk in there because we're both horny and edgy and soaked in pheromone/testosterone cologne.

I feel myself getting edgy and horny just thinking about going to Home Depot!

So as I said, I just stopped going with him.  I like horny, edgy good times, but not when there is a high likelihood of a bicker-fest.  I can own my contribution to those fests, that's why I just choose not to go.

My husband went to Depot by himself today, and came back reporting about all the couples he noted there, bickering as usual.  I chuckled, and then I jumped him.  Yay, just the sex and no fight, and he got to shop without me trying to shove him into a dark corner!

Friday, April 18, 2014

Connection = Tension + Compression

In dance terms, Connection Equals Tension Plus Compression.

When you really understand and use this dynamic in dancing, miraculous things can happen.  Mind reading is possible.  Swooning occurs regularly.

There is even such a thing as a dance-gasm, but we dancers don't talk about it that much to non-dancers...because you simply wouldn't believe us.

But those of us who have experienced it...we know a magical secret that unlocks a whole new level of physical and mental and even sexual possibilities.  I blogged previously about it here: Lead and Follow in Dancing (and Sex)

Here is the wiki entry for Connection: Wikipedia: Connection (dance)

Connection is required in partner dancing to allow leading and following to be possible.  If there is no connection, neither dancer can lead or follow, so the connection must come first.

When you are first learning to do partner dancing, two newbies could "fake it" while learning the steps, and it would appear to watchers that leading and following is happening.  And we all have to fake it for a little while when learning to dance, so you can make some muscle memory of the various dance steps you are learning.  You have to fake it 'til you make it, literally, in dancing.

But eventually...you must learn how to make a true connection in order to truly dance.  And the connection cannot happen at all without energy transference, and that transfer happens thanks to tension and compression.

Here's An Analogy That Explains The Magic of Tension and Compression in Dancing

Think of connection (tension + compression) as something like a tow line between two vehicles.  The driver in the towing vehicle is the lead, and the driver in the towed vehicle is the follow.

The tow line is not just a rope though, it is a magical material that can go slack when the lead wants it to, or be it can straight and rigid when the lead wants it to, or it can even be kind of rubbery and bendy!

Because of this, it can not only tow a vehicle, it can also push one.  And because it can be bendy and rubbery, it can even push the towed vehicle around corners.

It is like a magic push/pull tow rope/pole.

When the lead accelerates their vehicle forward, the tow line would be pulled straight until it was completely extended, and then tension would cause the follow's vehicle to be pulled forward toward the lead vehicle.

If the lead accelerated with a lot of power, it is possible for the follow vehicle to come so fast it can come crashing into the lead vehicle.  But the lead vehicle is watching all the time, and remember, the magical tow line can suddenly turn completely rigid or stiff and bendy.

Now it is a pole strong enough to stop the energy of the follow's oncoming vehicle, and can it redirect that energy in any direction.

So if the follow's vehicle is coming toward the lead, the lead can make their rope/pole rigid or bendy, and either hold the other vehicle in place, or send it back in the opposite direction, or send it in any other direction.

At the point when the follow vehicle encounters the rigid magic tow rope/pole, compression causes the follow vehicle to reverse all of its energy and go backwards again....or be guided into another direction by the lead.

Warning - Swooning Ahead

Through the use of the magical rope/pole, the lead communicates to the follow via energy transfer.  And this non-verbal energy transfer communication is the stuff that makes ya swoon!  You can literally feel it pass back and forth between yourself and a dance partner.

When you are a good dancer, either lead or follow, and you have danced for years, at some point you will probably want new dance challenges.  One of the best ways to challenge yourself as a dancer, is to learn to follow if you are a lead, and learn to lead if you are a follow.  You get excellent learning opportunities this way!

As you probably know, in general, men lead in dancing and women follow.  This is just a cultural thing though, there is no other reason for men to lead and women to follow.  So if you go and learn to dance, I hope you will eventually also learn to dance (or at least try!) to learn the side of the dance that is opposite to the cultural gender norms for you.

Both leading and following have their own special feelings and challenges and rewards.  For anyone learning to lead, you will find out how difficult it is, how much responsibility it takes, and how mentally challenging it is when you are first starting out.

For anyone learning to follow, you will find out how difficult it is to not anticipate or back lead, and how physically rewarding it is to be dipped!

What Does This Have To Do With Sex?

Everything!  Connection in sexual encounters makes so many more things possible.  Sexual things, mental things, emotional things, and physical things.  There are so many sex moves that my husband and I could do that require the same connection that is involved in dancing.

He can tell my body to do things, without words.  And my body will respond automatically, because the connection is there, like a tow rope.

And we can turn it around.  I can be the lead and he can be the follow.  In this way, I am able to slam him up against the wall and kiss him passionately, and we can experience this as if I was actually stronger than he is and could over power him...but I am not.  He is actually just following, and not resisting my physical lead.  Of course he could resist me physically, he is stronger than me.  But the connection that is made by mentally choosing to lead and follow allows us both to experience things that are not physically probable.

I am doing a poor job at really describing the sexual feelings that are possible when partners know how to use a dance connection, but the best way I can describe it is that you can read each other mind's in a way that isn't possible without the connection.  Your bodies can talk to each other without your voices needed.  My husband and I love using our voices too, but man is it hot to groove together via tension and compression only.

For a quick and easy lesson in tension and compression, watch this and practice it with your lover!  If you get it down correctly, you will feel the magic push/pull rope/pole I mentioned earlier.  And either of you can lead or follow, or both of you learn both dance roles by learning one first, then the other.  Enjoy!

How To Do The Sugar Push

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Asexuality and Gray-Sexuality

In order to understand sexuality, an understanding of asexuality is necessary.

Over the years I have asked nosey sex questions of all my friends and acquaintances, gathering information that I would later end up using to create my Sexual Proclivity Scale.  In this process, I met many asexual and gray-sexual people.

Knowing these people and hearing their stories makes you appreciate the real diversity that exists in human sexuality.

Here's my scale again:

If you don't know much about asexuality, start here: The Asexual Visibility & Education Network

In brief, asexuals don't experience sexual attraction.  They feel this is their normal sexual state of being and there is nothing physically or emotionally wrong with them. Asexual people are keenly aware that many people don't even know asexuality exists.  They know that if they say "I'm just not a sexual person", people will assume one or several of the following:
*they are in denial of their real sexual feelings
*they are lying about their real feelings or hiding them from something
*they are just modest and denying the truth in public, but would talk openly about their sexual feelings with a lover in private
*they are young and don't know their sexual selves yet
*they have some kind of sexual dysfunction so they avoid sex and have convinced themselves not to want it
*they have been sexually traumatized
*they are unsure of their orientation and this makes them deny being sexual
*they just haven't met the right person to make their body feel turned on yet
But asexual people insist that none of those issues are the reason they lack feelings of sexual attraction.  They are normal to themselves.  They feel they understand themselves but that others do not understand them.  Many people insist that people who identify as asexual have been broken or damaged somehow, even if they aren't aware of it.  Unfortunately, seeing asexual people as damaged is damaging to our overall understanding of sexuality.

The sex positive community and the pride community are advocates of asexual awareness.  I want to join the discussion too, because asexuality is one end of my Sexual Proclivity Scale and it is a vital part of the spectrum that my scale covers.

Being gray-sexual is described as being between between sexual and asexual.  (Please see my note at the end of this post for some additional thoughts about this).

I have definitely known more gray-sexual people than asexual people, and I think they are rather common actually.  Gray-sexual describes the area I call "not very sexual" on my scale.  I have known so many people like this and there is nothing wrong with them.  They are not ashamed of not being very sexual, but they typically do not broadcast it because they know others will assume one or more of the items from the bullet list above about them.  They get used to others not believing they are truly this way by nature.

Here's an article about gray-sexuality from The Frisky: What It Means To Be Gray-Sexual

(I apologize if there is a pop up ad when you open that link, you can't always tell what will happen when you post a link).

An important point I'd like to make: Of the gray-sexual people I have known, at least half were men.

Gray-sexual people say the same things as each other, and so do highly sexual people and moderately sexual people.  Here's a few examples of what I mean by this...

Commonly heard by highly sexual people:
I’m a very sexual person.
Sex is very important to me.
I can't be in a romantic relationship without sex.

Commonly heard by regularly* and moderately sexual people:
I like sex.
Sex is important.
I enjoy my sex life.

Commonly heard by gray-sexual people:
I’m just not a very sexual person.
Sex isn’t that important to me.
I don't mind not having sex.

(*Note: I don't like the word regularly on my proclivity scale, but I just haven't come up with a better term.  Averagely?  Middle of the bell curvey?  If you have a better suggestion than regularly, please feel free to send it to me).

In understanding that people naturally have a higher and lower proclivity level, I have understood myself better and the world better.  I can also understand human sexual relationships a lot better.

In the dating, marriage and relationship world, there are forums and message boards where people seek advice and help.  I haunt these boards all the time, because reading the stories of these people adds to the overall understanding that I am seeking.  I have the personal interest to learn about sexuality, but I also apply this understanding to my work as a dating coach.  I want to read lots of people's experiences and compare them against each other for similarities, because this is useful in predicting relationship success.

There are many of these message boards devoted to sexual issues within marriage and monogamous relationships.  These boards are full of people who are in sexually mismatched relationships.

People in sexually mismatched relationships are frequently very unhappy or uncomfortable.  This is something I've learned by reading countless stories of sad partners in this type of relationship.  Sexual compatibility as far as proclivity is very important.  It boils down pretty simply, like this:

If you feel you are highly sexual, you will most likely be more compatible with another highly sexual person.

If you feel you are regularly or moderately sexual, you will most likely be more compatible with another moderately sexual person.

If you feel you are gray-sexual or asexual, you will most likely be more compatible with another gray or asexual person.

Of course, with enough will power, people can overcome their natural proclivity level, so no relationship combination is a foregone conclusion.  But if a highly sexual person and a gray-sexual or asexual person want to be happy in a monogamous relationship with each other, a lot of understanding and mutual sexual generosity will need to be used by the couple.

Here's a quote from the FAQ page at AVEN:

Can asexuals have successful romantic relationships with sexuals?
Yes. The tension between the sexual partner's expectations and the asexual partner's needs can be very difficult to work with in some relationships, and many asexuals consider success so unlikely that they prefer not to date sexuals at all, but successful mixed relationships do exist. Some of these relationships are completely sexless; in others, the asexual partner "compromises" by having sex occasionally under certain circumstances; in others, both partners experiment with pseudosexual behavior and find things that work for both of them. Like with any other compatibility issue in a relationship, the key is to establish excellent communication, so that both partners can know and respect the other's situation.

Myself, being a highly sexual person, I know I need to be in a relationship with another highly sexual person in order to be happy.  My husband being an extremely sexual person fits my sexual needs perfectly.

Nature's Intended Base Line Versus Our Environmental Realities

There is a point to be made here.  The proclivity levels as I am discussing them above, are what I will call a natural base line a person has.  But this base line can be obscured by many things.

Past or current trauma, abuse, shame, hormonal fluctuations, resentments toward sex partners, loss of attraction...these are just some of the things that can influence a person's sexual behavior and actions.  We do not always feel our natural proclivity level.  At different times in our lives we may feel way off  from our base line.  For instance, many women who are highly sexual feel a drop or total loss of sexual interest after childbirth and during child rearing.

Some people experience something or a series of things that cause them to never know or feel their real base line proclivity level.  It can't be predicted how a person will react to childhood trauma, for instance.  Some will come out of the experience in adulthood and be in touch with their original base line level.  Others my end up repressing all sexual urges which would make them seem to be asexual, but their actual base level of proclivity may have been very high had the trauma never occurred.

Most of us are not free to feel the base line nature intended for us...we've all been bent at least a little bit by our environmental realities.  Even still, I think most people do have a sense of what their base line of proclivity is.  It is something we just know  about ourselves, something we've always felt.  When we experience a time in our lives where we act and feel different than our natural base line proclivity, we know it isn't quite how we "normally" feel.  So when I'm talking about proclivity, I'm talking about your nature intended base line proclivity, not fluctuations from it.

Please Note...

I mentioned above to see the note at the end of this post, and here it is.  I'm going to try to build a case for some new groupings and scales, not just here but also in the scientific community.  Right now, asexuality is seen as part of the sexual orientation spectrum.  From wiki-AVEN, I got this list of sexual orientation categories:

Asexual - Bisexual - Demisexual - Gray-A - Heterosexual - Homosexual - Pansexual

But to me, asexual and gray-sexual do not describe orientation.  You could be hetero, straight or bi and be A or gray-sexual, demisexual, or pansexual.  You could be homosexual and asexual.  I'm confused why "who you are sexually attracted to" is combined with "how sexual you are" onto the same scale.

This is partly why I created my Sexual Proclivity Scale.  I do not see the scale of "how sexual you are" being discussed anywhere and therefore, I had no way to talk about the two ends of the scale and what is in between them.  There is a lot going on between sexual, gray-sexual and asexual.  Those incremental points in between make up large numbers of people who have specific similarities of feelings and experiences.

I began this discussion already at the higher end of my proclivity scale with these two posts:

Extremely Sexual People

Highly Sexual Females

...and I will be adding more to this discussion over time.

One more point.  How sexual you are  does not determine how SEXY  you are, how sexually talented you are, nor how kinky you are.  Being more or less sexual isn't the same as being sexually "better" or "worse" or more or less talented.

We are different and we feel different sexually, and what each of us feels and experiences is part of the whole picture.  Understanding asexuality and gray-sexuality as a real part of the spectrum of human sexuality helps us all to understand that whole picture even better.