Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Calibrating Your Sex-Dar, part 1

I've mentioned Sex-dar in several posts now, like this one Extremely Sexual People, part 2

and this one Vastness Awareness.

I'm going to expand on the concept and help you learn to tune yours in a little better.  I came up with this word to describe the ability people have to "see" how sexual another person is.

I'm a very sexual person and I've always noticed other highly sexual people in the wild.  We are everywhere.  ESP's and other highly sexual people use a kind of intuitive ability to "see" and find each other.  I decided to call this ability Sex-dar.  It is an internal radar that is tuned into the sexual vibe of the person or people around you.

Sex-dar works because of the process of signaling.

Most people are signaling some type of sexual message, whether consciously or not.  People who are higher on the sexual proclivity scale tend to emit louder and sharper signals than others, and they are usually aware they are sending them.

In this post, I'm going to talk about the overall topic of signaling and tuning in to the signals people are sending.  This is not about trying to interpret the signals a person is sending to you personally.
This post is about tuning your Sex-dar in general and just realizing that people are sending signals all the time.  Assume their signals have nothing to do with you for the purposes of these exercises.

I'm discussing how Sex-dar works because it can be useful for anyone who is curious about sexuality in general.  Self-aware, highly sexual people only want to have sex with people who give their enthusiastic consent, so even though they may "see" someone signaling it means nothing at all until attraction, willingness, desire and consent have been established.  Signaling is not a declaration of willingness to be sexual in the moment.

Tuning your Sex-dar can help you because it automatically teaches you how to harness and use your own signaling to its fullest potential.  If you're a Unicorn in training, this is especially important.


Signaling in the Sexual Jungle

Everyone sends a signal of either availableunavailable, or maybe available. These signals create a buzz in the air that is detectable if you have your Sex-dar tuned in well.  The buzz is so loud that anyone can improve their Sex-dar or develop some from scratch with a little effort.  It is just a matter of focus and practice.  Some people send louder and brighter signals than others, and ESP's are usually the easiest to detect.

Available signals are usually very clear
Signaling Available means "available to be sexual with others".  This does not mean available to be sexual with anyone in particular at this time.  Just because you're available doesn't mean you are willing, able, or open to being sexual right now.

It usually just means the person signaling available is not currently in an exclusive monogamous relationship.

The most obvious sign of someone signaling availability is when they are looking around a room or crowded area as if they are looking for someone they know.

Unavailable signals are also usually very clear

Signaling Unavailable means not available to be sexual with others.  There are so many reasons a person may not be available that it will be impossible to know what an individual person's reason is in these exercises.

A person may be unavailable because they are celibate by choice.  Or because they are in a committed relationship.  Or because they are in a time of crisis in their lives.  Or because they are asexual.  Don't try to guess a person's reason, just try to accurately "see" their signal.

Unavailable is usually an easy signal to read.  Someone who is signaling unavailable will usually be avoiding eye contact with others.

Maybe Available signals are usually ambiguous
Signaling Maybe Available usually means there is a possibility of being available to be sexual with others but there is no expectation of it nor strong desire for it.  Available and unavailable signals are obvious, but signaling maybe available is very ambiguous.

It means a person is not sure about the surroundings they are in, or they are not sure about how available they really are.
People usually send ambiguous signals when they are just out of a relationship and aren't quite ready for another one yet.

If you find someone is neither looking around for attractive strangers nor avoiding eye contact, they might be signaling maybe available.  Ambiguous signaling is almost always a maybe available signal.

Signal Signatures and Romantic Signaling 

There is another way people signal each other that has to do with their availability for romance and relationships.

Those signals are different than sexual availability signals and can be sent totally independently, but they can also be combined with your sexual signaling.  For instance, someone who is available to be sexual with others and is also available to be in a relationship would be sending a double available signal.

I will write future posts about signals of romantic availability and how they overlap and create double available signals.

It was too much to cover in this first post about tuning your Sex-dar but I had to throw the idea out there for now to make it clear that romantic signaling exists but is different than sexual signaling.

Everyone's signal is a type of signature (maybe the kind dolphins have!)  So each person's signal will "ping" your Sex-dar a little bit differently than everyone else's.  This is something you'll become aware of if you get your Sex-dar really tuned in.


To Begin Your Sex-dar Tuning

Step One

Start calibrating your Sex-dar by being aware of your own signaling and your own signature.

No matter what your situation, orientation or level of sexual proclivity, you are sending sexual signals out into the wild.  Usually your signal will follow whatever the truth is for you at this time in your life. If you are available to be sexual with others, you are signaling available.  You will be signaling it louder if you are highly sexual, and softer if you are not as sexual.  (Neither louder or softer is "better").

Or if you are not available to be sexual with others but you are sexual with your spouse or partner, then you will be signaling unavailable to the world, and available to your partner.

It is usually pretty easy to spot two people who are committed and monogamous and are only sexually available to each other.  They will seem like they are in their own world.

If you are not in a relationship and are open to being in one but you aren't so sure about your sexual availability, you may be signaling available to romance but only signaling maybe available to being sexual.  This isn't a problem.  There are many different ways you may be signaling, or you might be giving ambiguous signals.

Ask yourself what your sexual truth is right now:  Whatever your answer was, that is what you are signaling in the wild.  How clear your signal is depends on how clear you are about where you are on your life path at the moment.

Now...observe yourself as you go out into the wild and try to "see" the signal you are sending for what it really is.

Try to imagine yourself as someone else would see you.  Do you think they would be able to ascertain if you are single or in a committed relationship just by your eyes and your body language?

Once you really have your own signal understood and you can see how you are sending it to others, go on to step two.

Step Two

Look for others signaling in the Sexual Jungle, but assume their signaling has nothing to do with you.

When you are out in public, at work, on a bus, or anywhere in the Sexual Jungle, try to be aware of the signaling of people around you.  The best way to watch for signaling is by watching what people do with their eyes.

This exercise is just to help you get tuned in to signaling, not to think of people in a sexual manner.  To tune your Sex-dar, you really have to be mature and even kind of clinical about it.

Important note:  Do not stare or gawk at anyone.  A respectful glance or two is all that is needed to see someone's signaling.

If you can successfully do Step One then by the time you get to Step Two, your Sex-dar will really be getting tuned in.  Step One is probably the most important.  You need to feel yourself signaling while you are doing it.  Even if you are signaling unavailable, there is a certain way you do this, with body language and intent.  Try to feel the action of your own signaling while it is happening.  If you become keenly aware of your own signaling, you will excel at Step Two.

In most cases, you will not be able to ask people if you are reading their signals correctly, so you might have to use a lot of self-scoring.  This is fine as long as you sometimes can see you were correct.  For instance, seeing a person who you think is signaling available, and then later seeing that person approach someone to ask for their number.  Or seeing a person who seems to be signaling unavailable, and then seeing that person's spouse walk in the door a bit later and the two wrap their arms around each other.

The more you tune in to your own signal and the signal of others, the more your Sex-dar skills will be calibrated.  This is still just the beginning of it, however.


I have have had no choice but to use Sex-dar because the sexual vibe of others (even if not related to me at all) has always been in my awareness.  Since meeting my husband and understanding even more about the Vast Sexual World and all of the highly sexual people in it, my Sex-dar has been greatly expanded, especially about my own signaling and how it is possible to be in full control of it.

I loved learning Self-Discipline, discovering how to keep myself locked down, and only sending all of my sexual signals to my Sex God husband.

When you channel it all in one direction, your sexual signal can knock someone off their feet.  Use it with caution!

See Calibrating Your Sex-Dar, part 2 for more!

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