These two words, humiliation and degradation, don't mean what they usually mean, to me. And by that I mean...I never feel humiliated or degraded by anyone. I'm pretty good with myself and if someone tried to put me down, unless I deserved it, I wouldn't feel put down. I feel pretty worthy and sure of myself, in general.
I've never had anyone I loved try to put me down, though. I imagine that if I had been through that, it could hurt very much to have someone putting me down. I am thankful I haven't been hurt in that way and that my feelings of self-worth have never been attacked by anyone.
So when my husband calls me degrading names and insinuates that I can't stop humping things, it makes me laugh because it isn't actually degrading since it isn't true.
But it also makes me hot! Why? Why does it make me feel hot to be verbally degraded by him? I don't know for sure, and I don't care. I love it!
I really wouldn't have thought I'd be into verbal degradation as sex play before meeting my husband. But he's just so lusty, funny and outrageous, he pulls it off in a way that keeps me laughing all the time, and keeps me on edge sexually.
(swoon)
Degradation only happens in the sexual sphere of our relationship. All degradation coming from him is some variation on these two themes:
*I am a huge whore who can't ever get enough sex.
*I am so hot and so horny that everyone everywhere is trying to get on me, including men, women, and animals.
Using these themes, he has created a degradation story about me. A story that isn't true, but he adds to the story almost every day. The story has me just writhing and begging for sex. Any time we see a woman in movies or on TV in this state, which is typically in porn but can be sometimes just a certain sexual look on a woman's face, my husband will immediately chime in with "Look, honey! She's just like you!"
But...I'm not like that. I'm really very far from that. I am admittedly a highly sexual woman but I'm not an insatiable nympho, and I don't outwardly express my sexual frustration when I am feeling it. I'm pretty good at keeping myself locked down. Though, the fact that I'm horny for him all the time gives him all the fuel he needs for his little on-going story.
The things he says are funny because they are extremely sexual exaggerations of the truth...he paints me as a whore who is DTF at every moment of every day.
He also paints the rest of reality as if every creature in the world is DTF me. Yes, every creature, man, woman and beast. He acts like one glimpse of me stirs the lust of every living thing and he must constantly mate-guard me or else I would be attacked from all sides by lust crazed people and animals. This sets us up for some really hilarious moments and fun times.
I talk about verbal degradation, the special names he has for me (my favorite one is Slutina), and his constant sexual harassment in this blog post: Groping, Harassment, and more...
This kind of sexual play is so much fun and it makes me so hot for him, but it is also so curiously stupid and juvenile. I should be insulted! He's saying I'm an out of control nympho with the whole world trying to get in my pants!
Somehow though...I like it. I'm not insulted at all. It is like he is giving me credit for being a far more sexual creature than I really am. He takes the story he is making up about me, and treats me like it is true. This creates a sexual atmosphere around us, all the time. He uses it in any instance he can to make me laugh. He usually then gropes me while I'm disarmed by laughing, with a big tickle grab.
One night, we were laying in bed and I was saying that my back hurt, and I was thinking I needed a new bed. He immediately jumped in with "yeah baby, we'll get you a slutty cat pad and put you over in the corner!"
Now I'm a slutty cat who needs to be in the corner?
Again I want to say, these comments are used in the sexual part of our relationship. In most of our daily communication, we don't use sexual degradation and humiliation. We're quite sweet and soft to each other and have total respect and caring in place at all times.
When he pulls out one of his degrading comments, I know immediately we're back to his sex story about me. He doesn't degrade anything about me, in reality. He loves me a lot, in the romantic, loving way.
You have to be solid in yourself and your relationship to handle going from "oh honey, I love you so much" to "let's get a little cage to put you in so you can't hump all the furniture at night".
Or walking along together holding hands and talking softly, when a squirrel darts by. Hubby immediately says "Dammit, I can't take you anywhere, your pheromones just scream SEX ME the instant we go outdoors and it drives all the woodland creatures into a rabid state!"
"Um, the squirrel didn't even notice us, it ran across the street way over there", I said.
He knows how to make me laugh, and laughing makes me horny. I've got a sick sense of humor so I realize that many of the ways I think he is funny might not be funny to others. But we love using degradation in a way that makes us both laugh and makes us both horny.
Many people use degradation in a much deeper, darker way than we do. But I like the light, funny way we do it. In his degradation story about me, I will forever be the most exaggerated, most sexual version of myself possible. And how fun would that chick be? I love getting to pretend to be her and find out. Woot!
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