I have been blessed/cursed with this crazy, out of control sex drive my whole life.
I've been working on keeping a lid on it like FOREVER and I still do not have it mastered. I do keep improving, though.
If you don't know the Alice Cooper song Feed My Frankenstein (or even if you do!) I highly recommend you listen to it here now:
Youtube: Feed My Frankenstein
...and then continue reading this blog post. (The video has an ad you can skip after 5 seconds. Also, it shows the lyrics).
The song uses the analogy of Frankenstein to describe having a massive libido. And if your libido feels like a Frankenstein, you'll know what this song - and this post - is about. Here's the beginning of the lyrics:
Ha! What a fun song, eh? Alice you handsome devil, you. This song isn't very sexy, but it is hugely sexual.
Even if you don't like raunchy, gritty rock and roll, I bet this song will turn you on if you listen to it. You won't be able to stop yourself!
Through my own extensive research (ie: asking my friends nosy questions about their sex lives) I've come to understand that people experience their libido differently.
For some people, they know their sex drive or libido is activated when they feel the urge to have an orgasm.
For other people, their "sex drive kicking in" feels like the urge to merge and feel connected with their lover (ie: emotional intimacy).
For others, they are only aware of their sex drive when they feel an urge for sex in response to some outside factor or person (this is called responsive desire).
But for some people, their libido feels like an inescapable tidal wave of horniess (and mystery) that overtakes them every moment of every day.
Yes, my libido is a Frankenstein. And it really isn't that fun, sometimes.
Having a huge, demanding sex drive means you constantly have to manage these very intense physical feelings and emotions. It sort of feels like starving all the time. I don't mean to sound all drama queen about it, I'm just sharing how it feels to me to have an enormous sex drive. After having great sex with my husband, I feel full and satisfied for about 12 hours. Then I start wanting sex all over again.
As I said above, not all people have the same type of sex drive.
Even though my Sex God husband and I both have a very high sex drive, we experience it much differently. My husband is far more sexual than I am, but I have a much higher drive for frequency and rough play. My desired sexual frequency is higher than what is optimal for his sex drive. But he desires more raw sexual behavior from me than what would come out of me organically.
We're both sexual beasts, but he leans toward the quality and the power of an experience, and I lean toward wanting to get my world rocked on the regular. So we compromise: He gives more frequency and I open myself to deeper levels of raw sexuality with him.
He tends to run much more cool, and I tend to run hot. Which is funny because physically I am always cold and he is always hot.
Being sexually hot all the time means I am a little bit anxious and can even be pushy with my husband about sex. I can definitely be aggressive sexually. I try to blame this on my Frankenstein, but my husband's cool attitude has made me understand that ultimately, I am responsible for controlling my own beast...and if I cannot, it means I need to develop more sexual maturity and self-awareness. To be fair to him, I can't be sexually demanding. (Plus, that just isn't cute).
I've been working on keeping the beast in check for my whole life. You would think it would be easy by now! Nope, still not easy.
At the same time, my enormous sex drive makes me feel alive and rushing with energy. I love having a Frankenstein, even though it is somewhat of a hassle to manage it and keep it reined in. I feel blessed to experience sex and my sex drive so intensely. I feel there is a power that rushes through my biological system that literally drives me to feel sexual and to desire sex all the time. Like a sort of psychic understanding between me and Mother Nature about how AWESOME sex is.
I've put my own human twist on the biological function of sex...I love my sex drive as an authentic part of my own personal, special-snowflake human experience...which means it is twisted up and kinky perfectly just for me.
My husband experiences his Frankenstein a lot differently. First of all, it wouldn't be a Frankenstein, it would be more like a Crystal Blue Orb of Power. Something he would hold very delicately, and then he would intensely focus on it, and it whirls and whips up into a sexual storm on his command.
When he doesn't wish to experience the storm, he simply puts the beautiful orb "away" somewhere inside of himself. He doesn't struggle to keep the orb in its place, the way I struggle to keep my Frankenstein on a leash.
He is in control of that part of himself and he uses it, it doesn't use him. His Orb "obeys" him, while my Frankenstein is a feisty monster that wants to escape all the time.
To make this clear...it isn't that I want to have sex with everyone, everywhere, all the time. I am not horny for "just anyone" or "just any sex". I actually am only horny for my husband. My Frankenstein may be a whore, but she isn't indiscriminate. The one thing I have been successfully able to train her to do is be faithful to the Sex God.
|...if he would only move just a few steps closer...
I would much prefer to be engineered more like he is. He is so smooth and in control of his sexual urges and desires. He can bring them out and bid them to rise up to the sky on a mere whim. Or he can put them "away" and ask them to "stay away" until he bids them again. He isn't bothered by sex, it doesn't push him around.
He is a Sex God, after all. He knows he can always count on good sex to be there when ever he wants it. He is totally capable of "letting it all go" and being swept away by lust, emotion, and sexual feelings. But only when he wants to let himself be swept away. He's got a lot of sexual power and he yields it very responsibly. His beast doesn't run amok and rage all over town (thankfully, because I guarantee it would cause an angry pitchfork mob if it did).
From hearing the experience of others, I know there are endless types of sex drives besides the two I described for my husband and I. And the libido or sex drive can vary for each individual throughout their life, depending on different factors and life changes. Hormonal changes can also make your sex drive change quite drastically. Where you are on the Sexual Proclivity Scale doesn't necessarily determine how you experience your sex drive. Or rather, ESP's like my husband don't necessarily have a higher sex drive for sexual frequency than very sexual people like myself.
|Dutch rudder, darling?
I know some people can manage their beast with some good old fashioned self-love, but I'm not one of those people. My whore-beast wants the full meal deal, not just an O delivered to me by me. So I've had to find other ways to soothe the beast.
Besides having sex, I have found the following things do help keep my beast calm and keep me centered and grounded (when I'd really like to be spinning off the rails):
*Getting regular exercise, stretching, dancing, yoga, or doing literally anything that is good for your body helps relieve sexual frustration and boosts overall health and mood.
*Getting creative - which for me means writing! I've found a really great non-sexual but sex-related creative outlet in writing this blog! Journaling, painting, drawing or any creative outlet works very well to help keep your lid on.
*Doing sexual self-awareness exercises help me stay grounded, while at the same time feeding my Frankenstein a little bit. For me these exercises might be as simple as doing Kegels, or as complex as planning a new theme and adventure for our next all weekend sex-a-thon. Shopping for the Sex Closet or Preparedness supplies helps keep me in check as well.
*Reading and studying about sexuality is a great way to expand your knowledge and give your beast a snack. There is so much more information about sex available now than ever before!
*Reading about intimacy (what it is, how to achieve it) is even better.
*Learning to meditate is helpful for a lot of things, and is especially helpful for calming all your loud, slutty thoughts down to a dull roar once in awhile.
*Get a massage, walk in nature, or find some other way to get your body's senses perked up and awake.
*Getting busy with random chores, housework, or paper work tends to keep my beast settled pretty well for short periods of time (it probably just bores the whore and she takes a nap).
Important Note: These things only work for me because I do also get regular, mind-blowing sex and daily affection. If I weren't getting the sex and affection, then the things above would not keep my Frankenstein in check by themselves.
Here are some things that do NOT work for me and actually make my frustration even higher: reading or viewing erotica, thinking or fantasizing about sex, or doing anything that stirs my sexual desire.
I'm not saying you (or anyone) shouldn't do these things, I'm just saying that for myself, when I'm battling sexual frustration, I have to avoid these things because they just make it worse. (Also we have strict rules in our marriage about porn and masturbation which I described on this post. Following our strict rules actually helps me manage my sex drive).
My normal mental state includes thinking about sex, sexual topics or something sexy, pretty much all the time. And this is no doubt part of why my libido is so huge. Something highly sexual people have in common is the tendency to be thinking about sex all the time. So don't get my statement above wrong...I'm not saying I don't think about sex. What I'm saying is that when I am feeling sexually frustrated and want to manage my Frankenstein, I have to actively stop myself from thinking of sex all day, every day.
Another thing it helps to be aware of is whether or not you are feeling authentically horny, or do you actually need some love or tenderness, or even just play?
Sometimes I think my beast has awoken, but when I examine myself a bit further, I find it was actually just my inner child wanting to sit on someone's lap (or jump on their head. My inner child is a gymnast). It is easy to confuse "horny" with "restless", and it is smart to address each of those separately and with awareness.
I envy my husband his ability to be in control of his enormous sex drive and not controlled by it, like I seem to be. I keep working toward the goal of being more like he is in his attitude and behavior. One thing he has made clear to me is that my huge sex drive isn't his "fault" or responsibility, and he can't be expected to manage it for me. If I feel sexually frustrated, I can't take it out on him or act like he "owes" me sex. This isn't fair to him, and it also isn't sexy. It makes me look immature and needy.
But instead, when I have my monster sized libido under my own control and I can yield it like a fierce beast when the timing is right and it is appropriate...then I look and behave like a Sex Goddess to match his Sex God. Sometimes I get it right.
This is a work in progress for me, but it has been a great ride. I know not everyone has my type of sex drive, and if you don't, it doesn't mean anything good or bad about your sexuality.
In fact, I'd say the more sexually mature you are about your sexual frustration, the closer to being a Sex God you are. I'm workin' on it every day!