Monday, December 9, 2013

Calibrating Your Sex-Dar, part 2

(some of the more advanced sexual signals)
This is a continuation from my last post Calibrating Your Sex-Dar, part 1

In part 1, I talked about the process of signaling, and I lined out a couple of exercises you can do to begin calibrating your Sex-dar.  They were:

Step One: Start calibrating your Sex-dar by being aware of your own signaling and your own signature.

Step Two: Look for others signaling in the Sexual Jungle, but assume their signaling has nothing to do with you.

If you have done these two steps for awhile now you should be able to feel yourself sending your own signal, no matter what your signal is.

You should also now be noticing signals other people are sending.  You can even practice step two on people in reality film and on reality TV.

You may never know if you are correct in "seeing" someone's signal, but as you keep practicing these exercises you might get some validation of your assessment here and there.

A good example is when you see someone you think is signaling available and then you see that person flirt with or talk to someone as if they are interested in them sexually or romantically.

Another example would be seeing someone you think is signaling unavailable and then seeing evidence later that this person is in an exclusive relationship.  Like, you're in a restaurant, a guy walks in, there are many good looking women in the room but he doesn't notice them, he asks for a seat, the waiter takes him to his seat, the guy sits down.  Then he looks around the room but only casually, not scanning the faces of people too long, just glancing around.  He looks at the door, then his menu.  A moment later, his wife walks in and joins him at the table.  If you correctly "saw" this guy's signal as unavailable the moment before the wife walked in the door, you used your Sex-dar well!

When you feel good at both step one and two, move on to...

Step Three

Begin looking for references and clues that help you notice ESP's (extremely sexual people) or evidence of people actually being sexual in public.

ESP's are usually the easiest people to spot in the Sexual Jungle.  Remember, this is an exercise in overall awareness.  You might be wrong when you see someone you think is an ESP, so never assume you are right.  Also, never stare at anyone.

All you need is a glance to notice any relevant clues.  These exercises are not meant to be used to meet people or talk to them.  You should be looking for subtle but overt signals, the kind you can notice without trying too hard.

The way people signal can be different depending on the setting, like signaling in a bar full of singles may be much more obvious than a bar full of people of all ages, available and unavailable.  But once you start deliberately trying to see people signaling, you will see that some people are signaling to each other very "loudly" if you pay attention.  The louder signaling people are sometimes ESP's.  Not always, but if you notice a loud signal, keep watching to see what other clues you might get.

People don't just signal though, some people are actually having sex out there in the Jungle!  While you are looking for clues of ESP's, also look for actual sexual shenanigans going on, because if you happen to see this, the people involved are almost always ESP's.

Things you might begin to notice at first:

*A "knowing" look passed between two strangers.

*A man or woman who is looking around a crowded room as if they expect someone they know to be there.

*People being sexual in a place where they don't think anyone can see them, like a parking lot.  (I personally have seen several cars bumping up and down in corners of parking lots, it is a common place for people to do it in public).

*A man or woman who has a look on their face that seems like a "sex afterglow" look.  Some ESP's kind of always have this look on their face, not just after sex.

*Sexual Wolves.  They are usually pretty easy to spot.  They are not predators, but they are definitely available for sex either right now or like, yesterday.


Now here's the caveat...there are many things people might do that seem like sexual signals and ESP clues, but aren't.  It is easy to be too aware, and end up seeing behaviors in people that are sexual in nature but are not the type of clues I'm talking about.  So to help you look past those I've written a list....

Things that seem like ESP clues but are not:
It isn't always the obvious one.

*Men or women who are flaunting their bodies in some way.  This is not a reliable sign of someone being highly sexual.  Don't confuse "costuming" for sexuality.

*Men or women who are staring uncomfortably at one ore more persons specifically.  If someone is just outright staring at people, they probably aren't an ESP.  ESP's are usually much more savvy and they know that staring is rude and weirds people out.

*Extroverted people. If you start doing the Sex-dar exercises, you will inevitably start noticing extroverted people.  Just remember that being extroverted has no correlation to being an ESP.  Introverted people are just as likely to be ESP's as extroverts.

*Anything that seems creepy or predatory, is just that, creepy or predatory.  These people are not ESP's but you will be more likely to notice predatory behavior while you are looking for sexual signaling and ESP's.  Watch for these people and behaviors, but realize they are in a separate category that doesn't apply to these exercises.

*Someone checking out someone's ass after they walk by, or someone looking down a woman's shirt, or anything like that.  These things happen all the time, but they don't indicate how sexual the person looking is.  People sometimes just check someone out and it doesn't mean anything at all, it sometimes is just a reaction and not a deliberate action.  It does not indicate the person looking is an ESP, though it doesn't rule it out either.  Just realize that when someone cops a look, it doesn't mean much about their sexual proclivity.

If you spend a few weeks or a month trying to identify ESP's, I'm sure you will start noticing more and more highly sexual people around you.  You might notice them noticing you, too.

You will know when this happens.  It may be awkward for you.  I don't recommend that you engage in eye contact with people while doing these exercises!

Signaling and reading signals is done differently when you're actually trying to meet people.  I will write future articles about using Sex-dar when dating and mating.

I will also talk more about fine tuning, reading "softer" signals, reading individual signals, and ambiguous signals.  Using your Sex-dar can become a fine art.  It provides a fascinating look at the world.  When you are using it just to be more aware of the Vast Sexual World, you actually improve your own sexual signaling and increase your overall self-awareness.

Remember, ESP's are already doing this, as they typically have well tuned Sex-dar skills.  People are sexual beings and they don't hide it from you, either.  They literally proudly display it, if you are paying attention.  If you don't want to tune in to it, you don't have to.  But it is there, all the time.  The Vast Sexual World is filled with sexual people.

But What If I Don't Want To Know?

For some people, there is really no reason or benefit to using Sex-dar.  If the subject holds no interest for you, then you won't get anything valuable out of doing these exercises.  Sex-dar is something many people go their whole lives without bothering to tune in better.

Or perhaps you already use it adeptly and need no tuning exercises. These exercises should only be done in a light-hearted way out of pure curiosity.  If you aren't curious, there's no reason to do these exercises.

Not calibrating your Sex-dar doesn't make you any less sexual or any less likely to be in a great sexual relationship.  Some people just do not project their sexual signals and do not want to read the signals of others.  I call this a self lock down.  This is fine!  The Vast Sexual World will not impose itself on you if you don't want to be aware of it.  If you think my exercises are weird or a waste of time, this doesn't mean you are less sexual than anyone else.  It just means you shouldn't do the exercises.

For a lot of people though, these exercises might be very fun...and they will definitely raise their awareness of the Vast Sexual World.


The night I met my husband, he could "see" me across a crowded room.

I was signaling very loudly that night, and he picked up on my signal right away.  He was also attracted to me, so he approached me to talk to me.

Because he's an ESP he correctly identified me as being highly sexual also, before we even spoke to each other.  I didn't have my Sex-dar calibrated at that time, so I didn't really understand the nature of our signaling that night.  All I knew was this guy who was talking to me was very interesting and I couldn't wait to find out more about him.

We exchanged numbers, I called him the next day, and we went on several dates over the next several weeks...before we ever had sex.

During that time, I had no idea just how sexual my new boyfriend was.  He already had a good idea of my sexual proclivity and ability though, because his Sex-dar is sharp tuned like a laser beam.  Yay, he could "see" me!

There's a lot more to Sex-dar than I've lined out in steps one, two and three.  But those three steps will help you calibrate your Sex-dar very well for starters.

I will come back to update this post when I have added new posts about calibrating your Sex-dar in the future.  In the meantime, keep practicing by noticing your own signaling, the signals of others, and noticing the highly sexual people in the Sexual Jungle.  Oh!...and don't forget the actual sex...sometimes you see people actually having sex somewhere in public.  Keep an eye peeled for cars bouncing up and down in parking lots.  They're out there, and they're doing it whether you are looking for them or not!

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