Saturday, September 7, 2013

Sexual Self-Awareness, part 2

This post is a continuation of my last post, 23. Sexual Self-Awareness, part 1

So where was I...?  Oh yeah!  I was saying that examining my authentic responses and desires led me to sexual self-awareness.

Sometimes you think you are into something sexually, but it turns out you are not.  Or sometimes there are things you don’t think you’d ever be into, but you find that you totally are!  Becoming self-aware typically involves bringing out all (or most) of your sexual ideas and testing them out.

If they are never tested out, you don’t know for sure what you like and what you don’t like.

There are a lot of things I had sexual curiosity about when I met my husband…we have had the chance to test out basically all of them.  (Lucky me!)

Wait...this guy has to stay in the basket with us?
So no mile high club action?
I found that many things I had really thought would be fun sex games...fell totally flat for me when we tested them out.  But other things came to the forefront and the more sexual acts and ideas we tested and played with, the more I knew of myself.  He revealed what he knows of himself during that time, and we both learned each other.

There is still a lot to learn about each of us.  We love growing and expanding and continuing to spread our sexual wings together.

It really changed the entire game for me to become self-aware.  It was as if my previous sex life had occurred only in my mind, never to be actually lived out.  That isn’t entirely true, obviously…but before I became sexually self-aware, the most sexual thoughts I had were only thoughts and never became actual sexual events.  After I became sexually self-aware, I could now authentically live out those thoughts.

For me, the journey to sexual self-awareness required being in a relationship with a sexually self-aware man who is the love of my life.  I didn’t step out of my own mental head-trap and free myself of self-imposed repression until he helped me unlock myself.  The key he had in his hand was not his sexual talent (talent alone cannot unlock you or your partner).  It was his ability to love me so deeply, combined with his own self-awareness and his desire for personal growth.

(..."in bed")
(tee hee!)

It doesn’t take being a Sex God (or Bruce Lee) to be sexually self-aware.  Most people who are extremely sexual are also self-aware.  It isn’t difficult for a lot of people.  Many people don't have any reason to suppress their desires, they don't feel ashamed of them, and they have healthy sexual partners to experience themselves with.  Many find a lot of joy in knowing themselves.

Here is a little snip from Wikipedia on self-awareness.  Not sexual self-awareness specifically (I couldn't find an entry for that), but just plain old self-awareness.

Self-Awareness Theory states that when we focus our attention on ourselves, we evaluate and compare our current behavior to our internal standards and values.  We become self-conscious as objective evaluators of ourselves.  Self-awareness is not to be confused with self-consciousness.  Various emotional states are intensified by self-awareness.  
However, some people may seek to increase their self-awareness through these outlets. People are more likely to align their behavior with their standards when made self-aware. People will be negatively affected if they don't live up to their personal standards.

I took some of the above paragraph and re-stated it by making it specifically about being sexually self-aware, and came up with this:

When we focus our attention on ourselves (our sexual self, our sexual feelings and sensations in the moment, our sexual desires), we evaluate and compare our current behavior to our internal standards and values (do I really want to be doing this?  Is it fun for me?  Is it healthy for me?  Is it healthy for my partner?  Does it feel good?)

Various emotional states are intensified by (sexual) self-awareness.  However, some people may seek to increase their self-awareness through these (sexual and emotional) outlets (intense emotions are generally good things to be examined for sexual self-awareness).

People are more likely to align their (sexual) behavior (who they have sex with and how) with their standards (of quality, intensity, commitment or casual) when made sexually self-aware. 

Boiled down to a sentence: If you are sexually self-aware, you will act in alignment with what you truly want, and thereby be healthier and typically happier.

The most amazing thing I found on my journey of sexual self-awareness was that it is so much more intense to be my authentic self during sex than it was being locked in my own head, unaware of my real capabilities.  Just pretending to be my sexiest self was not the same as being my authentic Sexual Beast.  

Know thyself!  If you don't know yourself, get to work on that.  You will love it, I promise you.  How do you know yourself?  Start by not fearing what you will find.

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